I was watching a YouTube video about building confidence and she was talking about how her confidence came from the small wins she has experienced over the course of her life. I related to that. I had many small wins in my childhood that helped me build my confidence. However, as an adult those small wins have been completely overwhelmed by huge losses. I have failed at everything I have tried. I was unable to finish college, I haven't built any real relationships (found out that all my childhood friends didn't actually care about me, haven't made any new ones, and haven't had one single healthy dating relationship), I have not been able to build a career, I actually haven't even been able to find a job that pays enough to make a living from, and every time I get close to any of those things it blows up in my face. Winning a few sprints and getting good grades, even making the Dean's List, just isn't much in comparison.
My confidence is shot and I am spiraling back into depression, something I spent more than a decade working to get out of. But here I am again. I'm 31 and I look around and have nothing to show for all of my work. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted with no chance to rest. So the big question is, how do you create confidence out of losses? How do you keep going when nothing works?
I just don't have an answer to those questions.
