Quote: Barbara De Angelis

“The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place.”

-Barbara De Angelis

One Step Closer

You might remember that I have a deep desire to learn how to play the violin. I've mentioned it a few times. Well, it turns out the my dad had bought a cheap one when he was in China. Since it was ten years ago he had forgotten what happened to it. He found it buried in the garage today!

I'm super excited! The first step was getting a violin. Now that that's taken care of, the next step is to make sure it's in good enough shape to learn on. I have no idea where to do that but I'm sure there's a good place around here. The final step will be to find someone who will teach me how to play for a reasonable price.

This is a cold war
Do you know what you're fighting for?
This is a cold war
You better know what you're fighting for

"Cold War" -Janelle Monae

Sad

So I'm a bit sad these days. Two of my close friends are moving out of state soon. One is moving in a couple of days and the other is moving next month. They are going on to bigger and better things and I'm happy for them. However, it makes me think. When am I going to find something that I want to go after that will take me on to bigger and better things?

Still Depressed

I think I was wrong. Last time I said I was depressed because I was in need of a boyfriend. I think I was wrong about that. I think I am lonely though. I really would like to find friends who I can really relate to. My friends relate to only parts of me. I'd like a friend that I relate to on multiple levels. I'm not sure I'm going to find that where I live. I've lived here my whole life and somehow I ended up completely different than the other people in this area. I always feel like I come from a different culture.

I do have one friend who I seem to relate to on multiple levels but I can't get her out of the house. So I don't spend much time with her. I've got to put more effort into it and really try to plan things. I'm really not good at that. I've always let other people do the planning and I just go along for the ride. Guess it's time I really start taking charge of every aspect of my life.

Depressed

It's been quite awhile since I've journalled. I haven't had much to say. I'm depressed again and for no good reason. At least no reason I can think of. And I'm not helping myself. I've let myself go. My skin is dry, my hair is a huge ratted mess and I have no desire to fix it. I'm avoiding my friends because I don't feel like talking to anyone. The only thing I'd be up for doing right now is laying in someone's arms. I crave a man's strong chest against me. It's kinda sad but I guess I'm lonely.

How lame! That's the reason I'm depressed isn't it. I'm craving a boyfriend. That's incredibly annoying!

I went through a period in my life where I was really desperate for a relationship and I ended up dating jerk after jerk and asshole after asshole. If I'm not careful I could find myself in that situation again. I am against going backward.

So someone tell me how to get out of this depression. I need a way that doesn't involve a guy. And don't tell me that I have to improve myself and be happy with myself first. If I could do that right now I would. Maybe I just need to come up with a new project to focus on for a little while.

Quote: Nora Roberts

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”

-Nora Roberts

Quote: Joy Page

“Don’t let anything stand in the way of you claiming and manifesting the life that you choose rather than the life you have by default.”

-Joy Page

Quote: Robert A. Heinlein

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

-Robert A. Heinlein

Winter's Glow

Staring out my window
It should be pitch black
But thanks to the snow
Which blankets everything in sight
There is a beautiful luminesce
Each snowflake giving off a light
The splendor of snow
Radiating through the dark


Winter's Glow by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.