My goodness. Clearing the thorns has been a really tough process. I haven't even made a dent. On some level I knew it was going to be hard. In a lot of ways, I've been working on this for years. I mean, it's quite literally the purpose of this blog. However, I had no real idea how strong these thorns were or how deep the roots are. They are basically trees but toxic. I seem to have been hacking away at leaves and vines, which is progress, and have finally gotten to trunks. I don't know what plants have thorns, vines, and trunks and are the size of trees so I'm imagining some mythological plant I guess.
Did you ever watch the show "Avatar: The Last Airbender"? It has been years since I saw it but I remember there being a scene that talks about the roots of the trees being connected across the world and communicating with each other. That's how I feel but in a bad way about these invasive and toxic trees in my inner world. They are connected and have taken over.
I realize that these kinds of deeply rooted issues can't just be cut away. I have to figure out how to stop feeding these trees so that they die and are replaced by something better for me. This is the problem I always have with changing my habits though. I know what needs to go but that can only happen if I replace it with something and I never have a good idea of what to replace the habit with. I wish this was discussed more when people talk about breaking habits. On a physical level, you cannot just get rid of a groove in your brain, which is essentially what a habit is. You have to make a new groove and I don't know what my new groove should be.
