Saturday, March 4, 2017

Quote: Roman Payne

“You must give everything to make your life as beautiful as the dreams that dance in your imagination.”
-Roman Payne

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Guiding Word of the Year Starting Plan

Over the last year I would escape when I needed to by watching YouTube videos. I came across some minimalism channels. I was very intrigued by the concept because of all of the chaos that is been in my life for so long. I can't see myself as a minimalist but I decided to take some of the concepts and come up with something I've been calling "intentional living". I know I didn't come up with that term but I don't know who did. This is where the idea to make my guiding word of the year, simplify, started. Getting to the point where everything I do is intentional is going to take some work.

I needed a plan. I really like the app Trello for planning and organizing projects. So I sat down and created some projects for myself, starting with a minimalism challenge. This challenge is to get me started. I've got three places that I let collect physical clutter and I have all kinds of digital clutter. So I'm going through all of it little by little and either organizing it or getting rid of it. I started with my email. I am an email hoarder. I don't know why but I rarely delete an email after I read it. At one point I actually had over 4,000 emails in my inbox, just sitting there for no reason. I unsubscribed from the majority of the subscriptions I've collected over the years and deleted thousands of emails.
Next I went through the people I subscribed to on YouTube and followed on Instagram and deleted anyone that I hadn't been as eager to check on for awhile. I still have to deal with my Evernote account. That one is way worse than my email accounts and is going to take quite a bit of time.

Once, I have taken care of my digital clutter, it's on to the physical clutter. I'll address each area one at a time to make it easier but that's as far as I got in developing a plan. Fortunately, I found Muchelle B's 30 Days To Simplify Your Life challenge. Between working an exhausting full time job and having already done some of the things that this challenge involves (i.e. decluttering my wardrobe), I won't be able to follow it exactly and it will likely take more than 30 days to go through it. But it seems like a great place to start. Plus, there is some mental decluttering towards the end of the challenge that I haven't even begun to think about. It will be nice to have some guidelines to try while I begin this journey.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Guiding Word of the Year

It's that time again. Time for me to decide what direction I want to go this year. I've been choosing a guiding word of the year for a few years now. Sometimes it works out well, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't has proven to be the most valuable. I've learned some good lessons and have been forced to look at my weaknesses.

Last year, I chose the word focus as my guiding word of the year. For the most part, none of my plans worked out. Towards the beginning of the year, my living situation crumbled. Since I was unemployed at the time, my choices were to move back in with my parents or be homeless. I chose to move back in with my parents so my first focus was to get rid of all my furniture that I had worked so hard for as well as everything I couldn't fit into my car. It took me a couple of months because this was such a hard pill to swallow. Something I've never had is a space of my own. I've always been under other people's rules, had to deal with what little space I did have being violated by thieving family members or those who just didn't respect my needs, and constantly being reminded that this space wasn't mine and could be taken away based on someone else's whims. So losing my space, once again, based on someone's whims was devastating. It might not sound like much but I am 30 years old and it's the third time in my adult life that I have had to start over. I'm tired.

After moving, the focus had to be shifted to getting a job. There wasn't any time to heal. There never is. I was broke. I'm also living in an area that is agriculturally based and I do admin/computer work. My job options are slim so waiting just wasn't an option. I've found temp jobs but nothing permanent so I'm still working on this.

Then towards the end of the year, I ran out of birth control pills and just can't afford them. Plus, psychologically I just can't handle the idea of putting artificial hormones in my body with the intention of shutting down my ovaries. So now instead of working on journal therapy research, I'm researching natural ways to keep PCOS under control.

Through all of this craziness I realized how done with craziness I am. I need to pare down and lose the clutter. This leads to my guiding word for the year.

My guiding word of the year is:


Everywhere I look and everywhere I think there is clutter. I can't believe how much I managed to squeeze into my car. I also was trying to keep so much of the things that I had developed emotional ties to, that I left things that would actually be useful. Some things need to be organized, some things need to be tossed or donated and some things need to be replaced.

It's not just stuff. My mind is always all over the place. My emotions tend to be all over the place. I've got so many goals and changes that I want to work on and I can never focus on one for very long.

I'm still working on a plan for this. I'm not quite sure where I want to go with this idea. I just know that I need to go somewhere.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

New Chapter

It's been a long time since I've been able to write. The past year and a half have been crazy. I was laid off from my job last year and after a year of looking, I was still unemployed. Apparently I was over qualified for some jobs and under qualified for the rest. Then my living situation crumbled.  Since I had been unemployed for so long, I seriously doubted that it was going to change soon. So, I packed up and moved back to Washington. It was either that or try to work at a strip club. Washington didn't work out so well for me before and this meant that I was losing everything I had been trying to build, so I wasn't really happy about this. But Georgia was a disaster so a change was absolutely necessary.

Things have been slow going but promising since moving back. In Georgia, I had signed on with two accounting job placement companies, two regular job placement companies, and applied to over one hundred jobs with absolutely no results. Here, the job placement company I signed up with actually worked with me and I've had temp jobs ever since. Nothing is permanent but I'm doing better here than I ever did in Georgia. I've even made a friend. I was not even close to that in Georgia. I'm cautious about getting too optimistic but I'm doing well at the moment and trying to focus on that.

I also find myself open to dating for the first time in years. I don't want to generalize but the men in Georgia seem to be seriously lacking. Aesthetically pleasing and that was about it. Deep, connected, committed relationships were not something they were interested in. Not with me anyway. I don't know if I've changed or if it's the change of environment or both, but I am more open and attracting a higher quality of men.

I haven't been able to catch a break for a very long time so I can't hep but to be cautious with my optimism. I've had it dashed so many times. But still, I am optimistic for the first time in almost a decade.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Quote: Anaïs Nin

“I must be a mermaid, Rango. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.” 

 ~ Anaïs Nin

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Quote: Chinese Proverb

Pearls don't lie on the seashore. If you want one, you must dive for it.
-Chinese Proverb

Friday, January 15, 2016

Guiding Word of the Year

So, the month is halfway over and I haven't done my traditional guiding word of the year post. To be honest, I'm at a low point and really haven't felt like writing lately. But writing is my sanity so I'm trying. I've been choosing a guiding word of the year since 2013. It has worked out well for me for the most part. I haven't always been able to follow my word very well but I learn quite a bit each year.

My guiding word of 2013 was Action
My guiding word of 2014 was Growth
My guiding word of 2015 was Discipline

Choosing action worked out quite well for me. I ended up making many changes that had needed changing for years. I also did some major soul searching and was able to find a career direction and begin making steps towards it.

The next two years didn't work out as well. I picked growth in 2014 because I wanted to expand on what I had done in 2013 but I found myself spending most of the year continuing the action theme and not even having the chance to focus on growth. So when 2015 came around I really wanted to buckle down, break bad habits, learn new good habits, and generally progress in my life. So I chose discipline as my word. The problem, which I didn't figure out until the end of the year, was that even though I chose 4 of my life categories to focus on, I really didn't have any focus at all. I was all over the place with lofty goals and no real plan for how to achieve those goals.

So in order to remedy the problems of the past two years, I chose a word that I found myself using over and over when trying to figure out a solution.

My guiding word this year is:


I've always been a big picture person and have found it incredibly difficult to reverse engineer that big picture into achievable steps. Part of the problem is that the big picture doesn't include the details. Without the details, you can't make specific goals to get there.

So this year is about getting clearer about what I want. It will be about learning to set real goals. When I say real goals, I mean detailed, specific, and measurable goals. It's also about learning to prioritize. I can't fix and progress in every aspect of my life at once so I need to learn to choose what is most important and focus on that.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015


Overly stressed out
Very frazzled
Everything is going wrong
Really tired of trying
Working so hard for nothing
Having to keep going
Even though nothing is working
Living in frustration
Mess and chaos
Everything coming at me at once
Disaster is looming

Creative Commons License
Overwhelmed by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

The Sunday Whirl- Wordle 219

Cheeks flushed, fists raised to sky
Swearing at the heavens
Threats disappearing in the wind
Life is pressing in around him
Lists of undone projects a mile long
Unpaid bills left in stacks on his desk
He dreads calls from his boss
He goes to his home, his nexus
To his wife, his heart, his one and only
Sharing his chaos with his confidant
Finally relaxing because of her tender touch

This was inspired by The Sunday Whirl- Wordle 219. I haven't done one these in two years! My writing practice has suffered so much lately. I can't figure out why when I'm in the storm of chaos and confusion, when I need writing most, I seize up. I'm finally starting to write again, now that the storm has calmed a bit. I'm still stressed out though. I'm not out of the storm yet. I just wish I had someone with a tender touch who can help me relax.

Creative Commons License
The Sunday Whirl- Wordle 219 by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Based on a work at

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Quote: Coach Thais

Freedom is a manifestation of responsibility. The more responsibility we take in life, the more freedom we find. A dog has no responsibility for food or shelter, but also has no freedom. A wolf, on the other hand, has total responsibility for his life... but also total freedom.

- Coach Thais