Saturday, June 24, 2017

52 Lists Project- Week 10

Week 10 ~Ways That You Can Cleanse For Spring~

Personal Quarterly Review
Dust
Purge Possessions
Buy More Plants
Deep Clean Carpets
Open Windows
Light Beeswax Candles
Change Out Bedding
Change Out Capsule Wardrobe


I've been very interested in the idea of seasonal living so I tried to think of things that I might do on a seasonal basis rather than just for Spring. I couldn't buy plants all of the time but I do hope to have a personal jungle one day so I would try.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Confused

Contemplating life
Overwhelmed with ideas but
Not confident in my abilities
Frozen at this point in my journey
Unable to choose a direction
Stuck in fear and indecision
Escapist habits returning
Denying myself a full life

I haven't completed a poem in so long. I think it's been a couple of years! I'm so relieved to finally write something again.

Creative Commons License
Confused by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Quote: Trina Paulus

“ 'How does one become a butterfly?' she asked pensively. You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” 

 -Trina Paulus

I relate to this so much. It reminds me of my favorite quote of all time, the Anias Nin quote I keep posted over there. -------------------->

That quote basically woke me up and started my journey but since it has been with me for so long, it almost fades into the background sometimes. It makes such a difference to come across things like this quote from Trina Paulus to snap me back and help me to refocus.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

52 Lists Project- Week 9

Week 9 ~Places You Want To Go~

Paris, France
Italy
Bali, Indonesia
Helsinki, Finland
New York City, New York
Brazil
Argentina
Spain
Mayan Ruins
The Greek Isles
Hawaii
Los Angeles, California

If I had my way, I'd live in a place for 6 months or so and then move to another. I couldn't do it by myself so I'd need a partner. Maybe some day I'll find someone with the same dream.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Quote: Oprah Winfrey

“True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience.” 

― Oprah Winfrey

Friday, May 12, 2017

My Dream Life

Teaching
I am working towards teaching journal and poetry therapy and helping people learn to make it and other self-care rituals part of their lives. I have experienced first hand their healing power and am very passionate about sharing that with others.

Reading
I used to love reading! When I was a child, I read everything I could get my hands on. Every time my mom went to the library she brought back a few books for me. Then high school came around and being forced to read books I wasn't interested in, at ridiculous speeds, then writing papers about them, made me hate reading. Honors english classes are not worth it for people like me. I've been trying to bring reading back into my life. Besides experience, reading is by far the best way to learn.

Traveling
People who travel, and I don't mean travel to resorts, are different. They are more open minded, cultured, and educated. I want to be one of them. I want experiences that open my eyes and mind. I want to get out of my little box and develop a more global perspective.

Sensuality
In this culture, sensuality is basically another word for sexy. I have a different definition for the word. To me, sensuality is being in touch with and enjoying all of your senses. It means being equally in touch with your heart, mind, and body. I find that I am stuck in my mind and have trouble connecting to my heart and body. It's very hard to enjoy life that way.

Family
I never connected with the family that I was raised in because of all of the abuse and abuse apologism that I've experienced from them. Don't get me wrong, they are victims too but there is a part of me that might always resent them for refusing to address it and heal thereby putting the burden of ending the cycle onto me. I've always craved a strong family unit that I can connect with and trust. So I believe my family will be a family that I choose.

Writing
Journaling and writing poems maintain my sanity and are the most healing restorative thing I have ever come across. I want the time and the freedom to do it more often.

Health
Ten years of depression on top of having PCOS has really done a number on my body. I lost my strength and flexibility. My hormones and menstrual cycles are out of  whack. I recently went off birth control so that I could treat the PCOS naturally. I'm looking for a form of exercise that I enjoy. Improving my diet has been a struggle but I'm working on it.


I was inspired to do this post by this video from Lavendaire. The next step would be to create some very specific goals for each of these things.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Quote: Malcolm S. Forbes

"Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are."

~Malcolm S. Forbes


I am definitely on this list of people.

Friday, May 5, 2017

52 Lists Project- Week 8

Week 8 ~Favorite Songs~

Nightwish- Beauty of the Beast
Corinne Bailey Rae- Put Your Records On
Madeleine Peyroux- You Can't Do Me
Sweetback- Lover
Anna Phoebe- In Contiuum
Nightwish- Rest Calm
Adele- Set Fire To The Rain
Gregorian- Fleurs Du Mal
Lindsey Stirling- Shatter Me
Amel Larrieux- For Real
Anna Phoebe- Nemesis
Skit & Tijani- Sweat

This one is supposed to be your favorite albums but I rarely listen to whole albums.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Quote: Henry David Thoreau

“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”

―Henry David Thoreau Walden

Saturday, April 29, 2017

I'm Friendship Inept

I have made no secret that I have a long history of being mistreated by people, from abusive family and boyfriends to neglectful friends. Quite a few years ago, I pulled away from relationships. I cut off neglectful friends, ended my relationship with an abusive boyfriend, and stopped working on creating new relationships. I stopped dating and decided to be celibate and while I was still friendly with people, I didn't attempt to become friends with anyone. I just stopped desiring relationships.

Recently that has changed. If I ever wondered whether the work I was doing towards healing was working or not, this is proof that it is. I don't desire a lot of friends or to start dating like I used to. I desire a very close sister circle, including a mentor, and a long-term romantic relationship.

I am kind of confused about the whole thing though. I have spent most of my adult life avoiding relationships so now I have no idea how to start friendships and even less of an idea how to date maturely. That's such an odd thing to even think about, much less admit. I'm 30 years old and I do not know how to make friends. Seriously, where do I begin? I'm very shy and hate small talk, which seems to be the starting point of most relationships. I tend to avoid creating close relationships at work because I've always seen it cause problems. So in a city that has very little of the things I enjoy, how do I even meet people with similar interests? Moving is not an option and I'm not too interested in running. I'll save moving until I've got some thing figured out.

I'll stop now. Usually as I'm writing, I come to some kind of conclusion or at least get an idea. I'm stumped on this one.