Thursday, August 20, 2015

Fire Dance

Dancing and swaying
To music of its own
The most sensual of movement

I was watching a beeswax candle burn and this is what popped into my head. There was something beautiful about the way that flame moved.
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Fire Dancing by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Quote: Anaïs Nin

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."

 - Anaïs Nin

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Severed Parts

Heart, mind and body
Existing separately in one person

Mind is most active
Originally a fierce protector
Now a tyrannical dictator
Unwilling to give up power
For fear of calamity

Heart is imprisoned
Blamed for decisions that caused pain
Deemed unfit to lead
Now lies cold and dormant
Completely ostracized

Body is just a shell
Used only for basic functions
All sensation is gone
Desire completely diminished
No longer able to communicate

This poem is going to have to stay unfinished for now. It's exactly where I am right now and probably won't progress until I do.

Creative Commons License
Severed Parts by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Missing Piece

I've been seeing a lot of different posts and memes about how you attract what you are or what you need. Of course, these kinds of things are quite disconcerting considering the number of abusive people I've attracted in my life. However, they've caused me to think about why I attract the kind of people I do. Throughout my life, I've attracted men that are abusive and degrading and women who do not value me as their friend.

It's no secret that I have a huge amount of stuff that I'm working through, slowly. I know that I needed those abusive relationships because that was the only way that I would step back and address my lack of self value. I'm still attracting these kinds of men but now my eyes are open and I get rid of them quickly. I'm stuck when it comes to the friendship issues though. I keep attracting women who seem to think that I am solely responsible for making efforts and growing the relationship and have for as long as I can remember.

So, what's the missing piece? Why am I still attracting these kinds of people even after all the personal progress I've made?

Something I really wish I had is a mentor. Someone with more experience and who has fully embraced every part of themselves who would be able to point out the things that I can't see or am avoiding. That is asking a lot though. That kind of person doesn't just fall out of the sky and doesn't exist in my current realm. I really do need to find someone that I can talk to, really talk to.