Sunday, June 30, 2013

Quote: Ted Hughes

"What's writing really about? It's about trying to take fuller possession of the reality of your life." 

-Ted Hughes
I have been doing this for far too long. I want a new home.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

NaBloPoMo June 27

Thursday, June 27, 2013
Do you like to stay in one place for a long period of time, or do you like to move around?

I wish I was the type who liked to move around. The reality is that I need some place that is my own, that I go back to every night where I feel comfortable. I wouldn't be able to move around a lot, maybe every few years, but not frequently. I don't want to always have to leave friends and make new ones or live out of suitcases. That's why I could never travel the world the way I want to. I could never stay in hostel after hostel with people I don't know invading my space. For me, invading my space is being someone I don't know and being in the same area that I'm sleeping in. It might seem extreme to most people, but that's something that can happen when you've dealt with the things I have. You either get used to it or you become territorial. I became territorial and desperate for security. So, that's what I need, my own territory.

I wonder how I will feel once I have that. If I can create my own security, maybe I will feel freer to move more or travel more.
NaBloPoMo June 2013

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Quote: Anne Frank

"I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn."

-Anne Frank

It seems like only journal writers understand this. For non-journal writers, writing something down is a way of solidifying it and keeping it. For journal writers, writing something down is a way of releasing it and getting it out of our system.
The Princess [Sweet and low, sweet and low] by Lord Alfred Tennyson

I just thought this poem was so sweet, all about a father on his way home to his daughter.

Monday, June 24, 2013

My Birthday

It's my birthday today. I'm 27 years old. I have had problems with my birthday the last few years because I always feel like I am not where I should be for someone my age. I watch everyone around me pursuing careers and moving forward in their lives and I always feel like there is something wrong with me because I'm stuck. I always felt defective. This year, I don't. I've realized that everyone begins finding themselves in their 20's and everyone does so in different ways. The fact that I'm not what society says I should be doesn't mean anything. I have had to go through my own process, my own way, and I'm where I need to be. I'm also taking steps towards my future. Frankly, that should be celebrated, no matter what age it happens. So, this year, I'm going to focus on what I have accomplished instead of what I haven't. The time will come for me. So, here's what I have accomplished this year and I'm quite proud of them.

1. Figured out I want to pursue Journal Therapy Facilitation
2. Came up with a plan to pursue Journal Therapy Facilitation
3. Figured out I want to move to Atlanta
4. Sold my useless car which gives me a good start towards getting one that works
5. Discovered Coursera, which will help me continue my education
6. Learned significantly more about myself, my personality and how I operate
7. Learned more about poetry and practiced more

In the grand scheme of these, many of these are a big deal. I'm in such a good place compared to where I was for the past few years. I still have a long way to go, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm on my way.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Quote: Hillary Clinton

"You may not agree with a woman, but to criticize her appearance — as opposed to her ideas or actions — isn’t doing anyone any favors, least of all you. Insulting a woman’s looks when they have nothing to do with the issue at hand implies a lack of comprehension on your part, an inability to engage in high-level thinking. You may think she’s ugly, but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot." 

 -Hillary Clinton

Friday, June 21, 2013

Quote: Kurt Cobain

“Rape is one of the most terrible crimes on earth. And it happens every few minutes, the problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.” 

- Kurt Cobain

Yay Kurt Cobain! So many people, even women, just don't understand that. Its always so nice when someone does, because it means we are one more step closer to change.

Thursday, June 20, 2013


Endless wandering
Must always see the beauty
Of the journey that is life

Seeking clarity
Forever searching for truth
Destiny awaits unseen

I found a new poetry form that I want to learn. Its called Sedoka. Its Japanese and is a rare, practically dying poetry form. Well, we can't let that happen. Hopefully, one day I can do the poetic form justice. I wish I understood Japanese and could get my hands on some Sedoka poems. I bet they are beautiful. In case you're interested, here is the blog post that drew my attention.
Form for All: The Princess' Poem to Her Secret Love

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Wandering by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Moving To Atlanta, Not Sure How Though

So, I've made a decision. I want to move to Atlanta. I just feel it in my heart that it is the best place for me now. So, now I have to figure out how to make that happen. My parents say that they will help me, but they've said that before. So, I don't want to count on them, but I'm not sure that I have any other options. I mean, I have hardly any money to my name anymore.

My biggest concern though, is once I get there. There is no public transportation so I need a car. So, I'm afraid that once I get there I'll be in the exact same place I'm in now. My car broke down awhile ago and I couldn't afford to fix it. Even if I could have fixed it, I wouldn't have. It cost more than the car was worth to fix it. That would've been a foolish waste of money. I ended up selling it to someone who is a mechanic. He could fix it without the expense. I'm in a vicious circle though. I can't get another car without a job but I can't get a job without a car. The public transportation system here is terrible and requires me to walk through dangerous neighborhoods. *Sigh* I've been so frustrated for so long. Its like being in a hole and watching the walls get higher and higher. I can't figure out how to climb out. Why can't someone just throw me a rope?! People don't really do that though do they.

Anyways, I guess when you know something is right then you just have to plow forward and work it out. Things that are supposed to happen will happen if you keep working towards it. That's what I'm going to be telling myself anyways.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

NaBloPoMo June 18

Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Dolly Parton said: "Storms make trees take deeper roots." Agree or disagree?

In my experience, I disagree. Once a storm starts, it never seems to stop. Or you have multiple storms back to back. These storms seem to pull the trees out at the roots instead of causing the trees to become stronger.

I bet I would feel differently if the storms in my life came from outside instead of from within my own family. Even when there was a storm from the outside, I never really had family support in dealing with it. In fact, I was usually told to figure it out myself. I've been itching to get away from all this and sever the roots completely and plant something new somewhere else. Maybe someday I will change my opinion but that would require me to have people in my life that provide support instead of being the reason I need support. Then maybe I'd have a reason to hold on tighter.

NaBloPoMo June 2013

Monday, June 17, 2013

Quote: Arianna Huffington

“I beg you: don’t buy society’s definition of success. Because it’s not working for anyone. It’s not working for women, it's not working for men, it's not working for polar bears . . . It's only truly working for those who make pharmaceuticals for stress, diabetes, heart disease, sleeplessness and high blood pressure."

–Arianna Huffington’s 2013 Commencement speech at Smith College

Very true. Check out the link. Listen to or read Arianna Huffington's speech. It is really good and inspirational.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

In Atlanta

So I'm here in Atlanta, trying to decide if it is somewhere that I would want to live. I don't even know what I'm looking for though. How do you decide if you want to live somewhere? Most people move somewhere because the school they want to go to is there or because they got a job in that area. So, if you have neither but have to make a decision in less than three months, how do you decide? My aunt says that if I am supposed to move here then it will become abundantly clear. I hope she is right.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

NaBloPoMo June 12

Wednesday, June 12, 2013
What does getting back to your roots look like to you?

I don't feel like I have any roots. Between being given up for adoption and being very disconnected from my adoptive family, there just aren't any roots for me. So, for me, I am interested in creating roots. I plan on creating my own traditions and maybe even my own culture based on what I love and what I believe in. Its unlikely that I will ever really know much about my heritage so creating my own will be a good way to get grounded and to stay that way.

If I ever have children, I hope to have something to pass down to them that doesn't seem to exist right now. I want to be the one who plants the seed and grows roots. Then any future children can tend those roots and start creating a family tree. I'm not really sure how it will all work beyond coming up with holiday meals, especially for Christmas. I want Christmas to be a special time.

I do plan to take ideas from different cultures. I believe in understanding other cultures, sharing your own, and incorporating what you love into your own life so I will be doing research as time goes on. I am actually quite excited to see what I come up with. It will probably take a few years for me to find out what works for me.

NaBloPoMo June 2013

Saturday, June 8, 2013

NYPD-IAB (NYPD Internal Affairs Bureau): Hold Precinct Liable For Closing Case Of Twins Attacked & Police Misconduct

NYPD-IAB (NYPD Internal Affairs Bureau): Hold Precinct Liable For Closing Case Of Twins Attacked & Police Misconduct

This is so sad and disgusting. It amazes me that there is still so much racism in this country. I shouldn't be surprised but I guess I keep hoping I'll see the best of people. Please sign this. Police don't get to choose which cases are important and which aren't. Police are supposed to treat all victims as equal and put 100% of their effort into every case. It seems that they have decided that, what is believed to be a hate crime against twin brothers perpetrated by 11 people isn't worth their time.

Six Word Saturday

no one can ever stop me

I'm tired of being held back by my circumstances and the people in my life. Its time to address the problems and get away from what can't be fixed. Its time to embrace who I am and go after what I want. It doesn't matter what they think of me because they are wrong.

Friday, June 7, 2013

In Defense of the "Unladylike" Christian

In Defense of the "Unladylike" Christian

I wholeheartedly agree with this post. I stopped going to church many years ago because of the judgmental and controlling crap that this post refers to. I always thought that God was about love, not arbitrary rules created by men. I also always believed that a Christian's job was to show God's love and spread that message. Instead many churches and many Christians preach judgement and whatever behaviour modification that makes them feel in control over another person. *sigh* So frustrating! Christians aren't perfect and aren't any better than anyone else and should stop pretending. Its our place to love not judge.

Standing Still

Its quite frustrating
Watching the world keep moving
While I'm standing still

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Standing Still by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Tell Me

Tell me that you love me
Tell me that I am of value to you
Tell me to follow my dreams
Tell me I'm capable of anything
Tell me to just keep going
Tell me to not give up
Tell me its okay to cry
Tell me there's a reason all this has happened
Tell me that it will all be worth it someday
Please just tell me

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Quote: Flannery O'Connor

Its amazing how often writing brings out thoughts and feelings that I didn't even know were there.

Monday, June 3, 2013

NaBloPoMo June 2013 Theme: Roots

I've been looking over this month's NaBloPoMo theme of Roots. I have decided not to participate. I was given up for adoption and have no relationship with my birth parents and with things going the way they have been with my adoptive parents, I will likely have no relationship with them at some point. So, I don't really want to spend the month exploring my lack of roots, culture, and heritage. Like I really need more reasons to be depressed. However, a few prompts have stuck out to me and popped ideas into my head that I would like to explore.

So, you should see some posts about roots this month. Since I'm not really participating I won't put the badge in the side bar like I did last time. I'll just put the badge in each related post. That way you can still check it out for yourself.

NaBloPoMo June 2013

Sunday, June 2, 2013


The stone in your hands cracks
Crumbling like sand
Revealing my still beating heart

This was inspired by Haiku Heights prompt of Stone. But I broke the rules by using too many syllables so I can't post it there. I can't seem to get it down to 17 syllables.

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Stone by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at