Monday, November 26, 2012

Taken from Jada Pinkett Smith's facebook,

A letter to a friend…

This subject is old but I have never answered it in its entirety. And even with this post it will remain incomplete.

The question why I would LET Willow cut her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women, girls are constantly reminded that they don’t belong to themselves; that their bodies are not their own, nor their power or self determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit and her mind are HER domain. Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It’s also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother’s deepest insecurities, hopes and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be.

More to come. Another day.


It's about time mothers as a whole start standing up for the rights of their daughters like this. I was never taught that I owned myself. I've always found myself at the mercy of other people and what they wanted me to be. It's so dangerous. If I had truly understood that my body and my mind were my own, I wouldn't have been abused so many times. It took me way too long to develop a sense of self worth and the damage I suffered along the way is taking years to heal. If you care about the people in your life, girls aren't the only ones who need to understand this, you will teach them to live their lives on their own terms. You know, as long as they aren't hurting anyone.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Is It Worth It?

I'm starting to wonder if all this self reflection is really a good idea or if its just opening old wounds. The more I delve into the things that have happened to me in the past and the things that continue to happen, the more livid I become. I don't know where to direct this anger. I'm never going to get an apology from the people who hurt me. Most of them are not in my life anymore and the ones that are have told me to my face that they are not going to change the way they treat me.

I'm not seeing any good coming from this anymore. Is realizing how bad things are and having no real way to make them better, really a good thing? I mean, where has it gotten me? Nowhere! I get it, feeling empty and emotionless isn't good. But it feels better than the way I feel now.

I really feel like, there is no one who really cares what happens to me. I'm down to no friends because I can't count on them anymore. The last two people I considered friends have really hurt me. One of them moved out of the state without telling me she was moving or even saying goodbye and I know for a fact that she told other people. The other one lives out of the state and came for a visit and didn't call me that whole time she was here. I feel like this shows my worth to them as their friend. In the past I would've shrugged it off but now I'm really hurt by it. So, is this really better? I'm really not convinced.

So, what do I do now? Is continuing down this path really worth it or is it time to stop and put some new walls?

Sunday, November 18, 2012

I wonder if you should forget the people who don't treat you right if those people are your family?

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

What Would You Do If You Knew You Could Not Fail

The Tao of Dana- Ask Yourself This Very Important Question

This post got me thinking. I fear failure because I know I will hear, "I told you so" from the people closest to me. My family feels like I should just get some 9-5 job doing anything to make me money. I feel like I deserve better than that and so does God and the world. You are supposed to take your talents and skills, develop them, and use them to make the world around you better. Somehow that's what I plan to do, if I can get past my fears and insecurities.

So, what would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?

1. Publish my poetry. I want books filled with my poetry and I want to be part of poetry anthologies.

2. Start or become part of a non-profit that teaches tramatized children how to use journalling as a way to help the healing process. It's been a slow process but journalling has done so much towards my own healing. I would love to share that with other people, especially children. I always wonder where I would be today if there had been someone who had taught me this earlier. I also find helping people to be quite fulfilling.

3. Get my photography in art galleries and magazines. I love creating beautiful photos with my camera. I don't have much experience but I am pretty good at it and will get better as I gain more knowledge and experience. I would love to see those photos in places of honor that display their beauty.

4. Get my essay/journal writing (whatever it would be classified as) published in magazines, books and blogs. I also love other types of writing. Sometimes I like to get straight to the point and say what I'm thinking rather than what I'm feeling. I find that I don't do that in poetry but in essay type writing.

5. Become a classically trained violinist. I've talked about learning to play the violin before on this blog.

6. Become a classically trained singer. This one is a new thought. I used to love to sing when I was a kid. I don't know if my voice changed or if I just became more aware of how I sounded as I got older but I really have no control over my voice when I try to sing now. I would love to have a beautiful singing voice.

The first four are the ones I want the most and most likely will have to achieve in order to feel fulfilled.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Need Organizing Tips

I've been working on purging and getting my life together because I realize that I will never move forward until I fix what's going on now. You can't just gloss or skip over things. You have to address the issues in your life. One of my issues is a complete lack of organization.

So in an attempt to fix that situation I've been looking online for organizing tips. The problem is I can only find tips from and for mothers. Where are the tips for poor people who live in studio apartments like me? I feel like I'm way past the age where I should've at least started learning to manage and organize my life. Someday I might be a housewife with 5 kids. Doubtful but possible. I don't want to find myself in a situation where I don't have the tools to handle whatever positions I end up in. Everyone my age should develop life management skills. So how come with all the millions of bloggers out there, I can't find a blog with tips for people in the same stage of life as me?

I guess I'm on my own with figuring this out. I feel like I have the maturity and life skills of a teenager and I'm tired of it. If no one will help me, not even a blog, then somehow I have to figure it out on my own. It kind of annoys me though. I wish I had some support.

Friday, November 2, 2012

She Walks In Beauty by Lord Byron

I've always heard of Lord Byron but never knew much about him. Now I'm curious to learn more.