I've discovered something weird about myself lately. I seem to be afraid to go out and try new things or explore new places. I am especially afraid to go alone. I'm also afraid to meet new people. I don't even want to talk to people online like I used to. This is a new thing. This hasn't been an issue since I was in middle school. I have spent so many hours alone in coffee and tea shops, taking walks or reading in parks alone, going to bookstores and the library alone, etc. I used to go to seminars and classes alone. I have not been afraid to be alone in public for my entire adult life, even during my deepest depressive times. In middle school I had low self esteem and was not at all comfortable in my own skin. That kept me from feeling comfortable with meeting new people and going to new places. I think the same thing is happening now.
After getting out of my last relationship, I did not recognize myself. I literally would look in the mirror and not recognize the reflection. Frankly, I still don't recognize it two years later, but it is getting better. Still, I do not feel like myself and don't feel comfortable outside of my spaces. Actually, I don't feel completely comfortable in my spaces either. I have an idea of how to get to that spot where I am comfortable in my space and am working towards it. I have less of an idea of how to get to the spot where I am comfortable outside of it.
