New Year Jitters

So, the new year is almost here but I feel no excitement. All I feel is apprehension. Looking back on the past couple of years I see that my position in life hasn't changed much despite how drastically I have changed. I fear that this next year will yield just as little improvement. I feel like my life is passing me by and I can't catch up because I don't even know what my life is supposed to be.

I know what I want but I don't have any confidence to go after it. My creative self is still so fragile, I'm afraid that the slightest rejection could break it. Perhaps I'm being overprotective of it, but I am very afraid of losing it again.

That's the problem though isn't it. I can never move forward as long as I'm afraid. I guess that's the next hurdle I have to get over. I have to either stop being afraid or figure out how to face my fears.

Quote: Khalil Gibran

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

-Khalil Gibran

All of my songs
Can only be composed of
The greatest of pains
Every single verse
Can only be born of
The greatest of wishes

"Beauty of the Beast" -Nightwish

I see
Can't have you
Can't leave you there
Cos I must sometimes see you
And I don't understand
How you can keep me in chains

"Shy" -Sonata Arctica

Prisoner

Trapped inside myself
Locked behind the walls that I built around me
The walls designed to protect
To keep out all the pain and sorrow
Have become a prison, from which there's no escape
I feel no pain, I feel no anger
I feel no passion, I feel no desire
My homemade prison has left me empty


Prisoner by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Quote: Ernest Hemingway

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."


-Ernest Hemingway

Quote: Unknown

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”

-Unknown

I wish this was true. No matter how I try, nothing is new. I'm still stuck.

Nightwish

The lyrics of their songs are so beautiful. They make me want to write even more but also remind me of how far I still have left to go. Here is a lyric video of one of my favorites of their songs, Rest Calm.