Sunday, August 2, 2015

Missing Piece

I've been seeing a lot of different posts and memes about how you attract what you are or what you need. Of course, these kinds of things are quite disconcerting considering the number of abusive people I've attracted in my life. However, they've caused me to think about why I attract the kind of people I do. Throughout my life, I've attracted men that are abusive and degrading and women who do not value me as their friend.

It's no secret that I have a huge amount of stuff that I'm working through, slowly. I know that I needed those abusive relationships because that was the only way that I would step back and address my lack of self value. I'm still attracting these kinds of men but now my eyes are open and I get rid of them quickly. I'm stuck when it comes to the friendship issues though. I keep attracting women who seem to think that I am solely responsible for making efforts and growing the relationship and have for as long as I can remember.

So, what's the missing piece? Why am I still attracting these kinds of people even after all the personal progress I've made?

Something I really wish I had is a mentor. Someone with more experience and who has fully embraced every part of themselves who would be able to point out the things that I can't see or am avoiding. That is asking a lot though. That kind of person doesn't just fall out of the sky and doesn't exist in my current realm. I really do need to find someone that I can talk to, really talk to.

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I would love to know what you think. Constructive criticism is more than welcome.