Friday, September 4, 2015

Blocked!

Things are weird for me right now. I'm unemployed and have been for months. Whenever I got too frustrated I would waste time online. While I was doing that I suddenly started seeing ad after ad for online web development courses. I started taking a couple of these classes and began seeing myself making a career out of it. It will also help me with some of my other goals. So, I've decided to pursue it.

I was super excited about this decision for awhile and was moving forward. Suddenly I stopped moving forward. I'm still happy with the decision but I have some weird block when it comes to moving towards it. I can't concentrate on my classes or my books. I can't figure out what is stopping me. I don't know if I'm afraid of failure, overwhelmed by the immense amount of information I'm sorting through, if I'm missing something internal that needs worked on, a combination of all three, or something I haven't thought of yet.

I also don't really have any support with this. My aunt and uncle won't accept anything that isn't traditional schooling or a traditional 9-5 job. My parents are semi supportive but not much. I've been going to meetups and workshops hoping to learn more and meet like-minded people. I'm a shy introvert so that is likely to take some serious time to work.

This is exactly why I created this blog! Just from that little bit of writing I now understand that it is the overwhelm that is really the problem and the reason I'm shutting down. Not only is changing a career completely overwhelming but not having a job and being hassled about it regularly, watching my bank account dwindle, constantly defending myself, and trying to reach out for relationships are all overwhelming as well. Fortunately, I must have subconsciously known this because I've recently changed my planner to help me focus and track my time. So, we'll see how it goes.

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