Theme of the Year

 I didn’t do a theme of the year last year. I was just too tired. Every year, I always feel like I’m not doing anything. I’m sure I have written about it multiple times. I talk about resting and needing a break but looking back, the reality is that I never did take a break. Even if I couldn’t do the things I wanted to do, I was always planning for when I could. Mentally, and emotionally, I have been tired and burned out.

Last year, I finally did take breaks, because the burn out became unmanageable. Even though I talked about it, I didn’t truly realize just how bad it had gotten. For the first six months of the year, meaning January through June, I put all of the things I was working on away. Journals, my planner, the to-do lists, spiritual practices, courses, everything was put away. When I started struggling with writing, I turned to other psychological tools and found tarot and oracle decks to be the best for me. Of course, my ADHD brain needs to collect so I have quite a few. I made a small capsule collection of them and put the rest away. Other than buying and putting together some much needed furniture, all I did was work and rest at home. I found some mindless cute little cozy games to play on my phone which was surprisingly nourishing. But that was it. I couldn’t handle anything more. 

I am in a much better place this year so I’m going to get back to business. 

My theme of the year is:

Restoring the Soil

My themes have been related to gardening for a while and it has been working for me. It really helps me see a bigger picture and plan out my goals. One of my last posts was about the soil being toxic and I am concerned about the level of burn out that I got to. It’s like I have been growing food in toxic soil,  ingesting those toxins and finally getting sick from it. So my goal is to find a way to nourish the soil and make it fertile again.

 My main focus is going to be turning my apartment into a sanctuary. My bedroom is getting close to where I want it to be. Like I said, I had bought some new furniture. I have also gotten rid of some things. I have been living in clutter since I was a child. My personal space was not respected growing up and I started living in clutter so that my parents wouldn’t give my room to guests or give things away without asking and so that my brother couldn’t find things to steal from me. I was also consistently told no by my mother when I wanted things while simultaneously watching my brother being told yes by my father. It created quite a complex in me and now I deal with impulse spending and wanting to collect as much stuff as I can. I will be doing some shadow work around that and some inner child and inner teenager work. I would like to heal from that and switch to being intentional with what I buy and surround myself with. I want to feel peaceful when I come home.

Changing my habits is going to be my secondary focus. I have been paying attention to my habits and the only good ones I have involve taking care of my dog. Taking care of myself has completely fallen by the wayside. Making one new habit is a struggle. I’ve tried so many times over the years to create new habits but they never quite stick. I’m working on planning it out as I don’t want to repeat past mistakes. I do think that creating a sanctuary will help a lot though. Most of my bad habits are a form of escapism. Creating an area in my life that I don’t want to escape from will likely free me up to make some changes.