End Of National Poetry Month

Its the last day of National Poetry Month. Congratulations to everyone who participated in NaPoWriMo! You are my heroes. I couldn't even begin to write 30 poems in 30 days. Since my state of mind prevented me from writing anything this month, I decided to repost something I wrote a couple of years ago for which I never came up with a title.

 Everyone hopes that after hard times
They will emerge from the cocoon
A beautiful butterfly, full of grace
Resting atop flowers
And dancing through the trees
But what happens if
You emerge from the cocoon
A moth with tattered wings
Still lost and confused
No purpose, no direction
Flitting from light to light
And flame to flame
Getting burned by each one
Is a moth destined to stay a moth?
Or can a moth become a butterfly?


This work by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

National Poetry Month

Did you know that April is National Poetry Month? I did and yet I haven't written a single poem. How annoying... and ironic for someone who considers herself a poet. To be fair I was travelling for almost 2 weeks trying to come up with a possible solution to my current life problems. Its quite difficult to be in a poet's frame of mind under those circumstances. I've found that I have to be comfortable to write and I wasn't comfortable staying in other peoples' homes. However, I'm not travelling anymore and I still have nothing to write.

I would like to celebrate National Poetry Month so I'm holding out hope that I'll find some inspiration in the next couple of days. If nothing else, maybe I'll repost and old poem. I wrote one last month that I'm particularly proud of, although maybe its too soon to repost that. Well, we'll see.

Confused About The Future

I spent two weeks travelling with my parents to visit family and to see new environments to see if maybe I would like to move. The area I'm living in now doesn't seem to be doing anything for me and really never has. I've had soooo much trouble just making friends ever since I moved here. I didn't have trouble before and I didn't have trouble when I went away to college. So, it can't all be me. Something about this area breeds people with this level of arrogance and ignorance that I just can't stand. You would think it would be a perfect area for someone like me because it encourages artistic expression and creativity. That seems to be the problem though. That has bred a group of people that think they are the end all be all of creativity and have this belief that they are better and deeper than everyone else. Its been incredibly frustrating. Plus when it comes to jobs and career opportunities there doesn't seem to be much for me, especially if I continue on this path towards journal therapy.

So, I went to Boise, ID and Las Vegas, NV to see some family and get some information about what living there is like and what opportunities there could be for me. Boise is a no-go. Even though I have cousins there that do music therapy, that only helps me with information. I know that it would put me in a worse place than I am in now when it comes to the culture of the people. Not for me. Vegas has possibilities. I love the weather. I think it might be too hot in the summer but you also get used to that. My body responded to the weather very well. I had so much more energy and my skin cleared up. I really realized that the lack of sun in my life is really hurting me. In the past it wasn't a problem because I would get breaks once in a while. My parents would send me to visit family when I was a kid and then when I was working I could afford to go places occasionally so I would get enough sun to keep me going. Now, I can't get a job and my parents aren't going to help me with something like that so I haven't had a chance to recharge in quite a few years. I definitely need to live in an area with more sun. This depression and lack of energy I have been feeling is really hurting me, making it impossible for me to put energy into creating a life and future for myself.

However, that's all I know. I worry that if I move to Vegas it could be going from one bad situation to another. I'm pretty sure I could get a job but I'm not sure about friends and opportunities for the future. I don't feel like I got a good idea of the culture of Vegas. My family and I don't exactly run in the same circles, so that is not something that they can help me with. I also feel like I need to check out some more areas before I make such a life-changing decision. I would like to check out San Antonio, TX and Atlanta, GA. I have family in both those places and it would be nice to have a few more options. I would hope I would be a bit less confused if I saw a few more places. The unknown makes narrowing down the choices difficult.

Basically, I'm more confused than ever and I'm scared of making more bad choices. Yea yea, you could say that not making a choice is a bad choice. But I can see myself breaking if I put myself in one more bad situation. I need to be sure that I am going for something that I really really want.

Well, I guess that I have a whole lot more research to do.

Quote: Ernest Hemingway

"Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough." 

-Ernest Hemingway

I don't know how to do this.

Exploring Journal Therapy

I haven't had much to write about lately. I guess I needed a blogging break. I've been looking into the things I learned about myself during last month's NaBloPoMo. By the way, I'm so tired of typing that. I'm not getting very far though. I've learned that what I'm interested in is known as Expressive Arts Therapy. I'm having trouble figuring out what I need to start doing since I want to teach people how to do it instead of being a licensed therapist. I don't have the wherewithal to go through enough schooling to get a PhD. Besides, the whole point is to teach people how to examine themselves so that they have options for the times that they can't go to a therapist or don't want to. Opening up to a stranger can be really difficult and really expensive. I want to give people what I wish I had been given.

I found a journal therapy certification program that could be helpful but I have to prove that I am worthy of the program. Right now, I have nothing to show that I am a good candidate and I'm not really sure what I would need in order to be considered. I'm also looking for literacy programs. Helping people with their reading and writing might be a good way to start. Not much luck there either though. I found one in my area but they aren't hiring and don't seem to have any volunteer opportunities. I might not be looking hard enough though. I get frustrated so easily these days because I feel like there aren't any options for me. I don't want to be in this same position for the rest of my life. I'm starting to think that I need to move in order to have options but really that's not an option now. I need money but I'm getting too old to work jobs that don't work towards a future. By the time I sit down for an interview for Expressive Arts Therapy teaching, I need some experience that relates! I'm pretty sure that McDonald's won't be considered experience.

Well, enough of that. I just need to do more research. I know I'm not the first person in the world to think of this, so I need to find out what other people have done and figure out something that will work for me.

Sonnet 109: O! never say that I was false of heart by William Shakespeare

I would love to become more familiar with Shakespeare's work.