Monday, April 22, 2013

Confused About The Future

I spent two weeks travelling with my parents to visit family and to see new environments to see if maybe I would like to move. The area I'm living in now doesn't seem to be doing anything for me and really never has. I've had soooo much trouble just making friends ever since I moved here. I didn't have trouble before and I didn't have trouble when I went away to college. So, it can't all be me. Something about this area breeds people with this level of arrogance and ignorance that I just can't stand. You would think it would be a perfect area for someone like me because it encourages artistic expression and creativity. That seems to be the problem though. That has bred a group of people that think they are the end all be all of creativity and have this belief that they are better and deeper than everyone else. Its been incredibly frustrating. Plus when it comes to jobs and career opportunities there doesn't seem to be much for me, especially if I continue on this path towards journal therapy.

So, I went to Boise, ID and Las Vegas, NV to see some family and get some information about what living there is like and what opportunities there could be for me. Boise is a no-go. Even though I have cousins there that do music therapy, that only helps me with information. I know that it would put me in a worse place than I am in now when it comes to the culture of the people. Not for me. Vegas has possibilities. I love the weather. I think it might be too hot in the summer but you also get used to that. My body responded to the weather very well. I had so much more energy and my skin cleared up. I really realized that the lack of sun in my life is really hurting me. In the past it wasn't a problem because I would get breaks once in a while. My parents would send me to visit family when I was a kid and then when I was working I could afford to go places occasionally so I would get enough sun to keep me going. Now, I can't get a job and my parents aren't going to help me with something like that so I haven't had a chance to recharge in quite a few years. I definitely need to live in an area with more sun. This depression and lack of energy I have been feeling is really hurting me, making it impossible for me to put energy into creating a life and future for myself.

However, that's all I know. I worry that if I move to Vegas it could be going from one bad situation to another. I'm pretty sure I could get a job but I'm not sure about friends and opportunities for the future. I don't feel like I got a good idea of the culture of Vegas. My family and I don't exactly run in the same circles, so that is not something that they can help me with. I also feel like I need to check out some more areas before I make such a life-changing decision. I would like to check out San Antonio, TX and Atlanta, GA. I have family in both those places and it would be nice to have a few more options. I would hope I would be a bit less confused if I saw a few more places. The unknown makes narrowing down the choices difficult.

Basically, I'm more confused than ever and I'm scared of making more bad choices. Yea yea, you could say that not making a choice is a bad choice. But I can see myself breaking if I put myself in one more bad situation. I need to be sure that I am going for something that I really really want.

Well, I guess that I have a whole lot more research to do.

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