Monday, May 26, 2014

Admission Time

I have to admit something. I am very lonely. I seem to be a complete outsider here and haven't managed to make any friends since I've been here. I have met some incredible people but no one that I can relate to or whose belief system matches mine. No one I could simply go out and have fun with either.

I thought that I had made a friend a while ago. I mentioned him once. We got along so well but he was only interested in dating. When he realized that dating wasn't in our future he decided that he no longer wanted me in his life. The part I don't think I have talked about is that he came back into my life, apologized profusely, and explained his actions. I agreed to give him a second chance expressing very clearly that we could only ever be friends and he agreed. Except he was a completely different person after that. He was inconsiderate and disrespectful. When I confronted him on it, he refused to give any explanation and told me my thoughts on the matter were bs and to get over it. That was the last straw for me and I haven't spoken to him since. He was dating someone at that point and I firmly believe that the way he was treating me was to show me that I am replaceable and expendable.

Unfortunately, the whole episode has made me leery of meeting new people. I have had quite a bit of drama with relationships lately and I'm pretty weary of it. People who I thought were life long friends abandoned me when I was at my lowest point, every guy to ever come into my life turned it upside down and ripped me apart, and I really don't trust any member of my family, not completely anyways. I'm just tired of it. I am worth so much more than this.

However, that still leaves me in a state of loneliness. I either go out and meet people risking more of this, or I remain alone. For awhile, remaining alone was just fine with me. Now, it irritates me to no end. I guess that means I'm ready to try again. I hope that is what it means anyways.

The good news is that I finally have a car. My aunt found one that was a good price and had really low mileage on it. It was in great condition and I knew that there wasn't going to be another deal like that so I jumped on it. Now I have a cute little car and can actually go places. So, now I just have to figure out where I want to go. There are drawbacks to living in such a big city. But, maybe I can finally get the ball rolling.

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