Monday, May 5, 2014


I have been super focused on make changes in my life for the past few months now. I've been shopping for clothes, creating and using a planner, taking better care of my skin, budgeting, trying to exercise more, trying to write more, and trying to embrace other forms of creativity. Until about two weeks ago. I kind of hit a wall and couldn't figure out what the problem was. Why am I not working towards what I want so badly?

Well, I finally figured out that I am trying to make too many changes all at once. I am trying to break all my bad habits and create a bunch of new habits too quickly. I became overwhelmed and my brain just stopped. So, now I have to figure out how to step back and go about this much more slowly.

The problem is, I am a big picture person so it is very hard for me to see the individual steps and even harder for me to have the patience to take them. It feels like the end result will never happen. I'm sure everyone feels like that at times. But for me, I feel like I have been in the same spot for years so this very slow moving is agonizing. Plus, to top it off, I really have no friends here and not much freedom. So, there is very little fun in my life. I really am emotionally exhausted with no rest in sight.

The only chance of fixing the freedom part and possibly the fun part is to get my own car but my finances won't allow that just yet. So, I remain overwhelmed because there is too much to fix and no way to fix it.

I'm not sure yet what my new plan will be. I don't know what I should be focusing on.

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