Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Guiding Word Of The Year For 2017

It's that time again. Time for me to decide what direction I want to go this year. I've been choosing a guiding word of the year for a few years now. Sometimes it works out well, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't has proven to be the most valuable. I've learned some good lessons and have been forced to look at my weaknesses.

Last year, I chose the word focus as my guiding word of the year. For the most part, none of my plans worked out. Towards the beginning of the year, my living situation crumbled. Since I was unemployed at the time, my choices were to move back in with my parents or be homeless. I chose to move back in with my parents so my first focus was to get rid of all my furniture that I had worked so hard for as well as everything I couldn't fit into my car. It took me a couple of months because this was such a hard pill to swallow. Something I've never had is a space of my own. I've always been under other people's rules, had to deal with what little space I did have being violated by thieving family members or those who just didn't respect my needs, and constantly being reminded that this space wasn't mine and could be taken away based on someone else's whims. So losing my space, once again, based on someone's whims was devastating. It might not sound like much but I am 30 years old and it's the third time in my adult life that I have had to start over. I'm tired.

After moving, the focus had to be shifted to getting a job. There wasn't any time to heal. There never is. I was broke. I'm also living in an area that is agriculturally based and I do admin/computer work. My job options are slim so waiting just wasn't an option. I've found temp jobs but nothing permanent so I'm still working on this.

Then towards the end of the year, I ran out of birth control pills and just can't afford them. Plus, psychologically I just can't handle the idea of putting artificial hormones in my body with the intention of shutting down my ovaries. So now instead of working on journal therapy research, I'm researching natural ways to keep PCOS under control.

Through all of this craziness I realized how done with craziness I am. I need to pare down and lose the clutter. This leads to my guiding word for the year.

My guiding word of the year is:

Everywhere I look and everywhere I think there is clutter. I can't believe how much I managed to squeeze into my car. I also was trying to keep so much of the things that I had developed emotional ties to, that I left things that would actually be useful. Some things need to be organized, some things need to be tossed or donated and some things need to be replaced.

It's not just stuff. My mind is always all over the place. My emotions tend to be all over the place. I've got so many goals and changes that I want to work on and I can never focus on one for very long.

I'm still working on a plan for this. I'm not quite sure where I want to go with this idea. I just know that I need to go somewhere.

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