Looking For Solutions

I've been having such a hard time breaking my writing habits. I've said before that high school ruined me. Now I can't seem to break that essay writing mentality. I had to work so hard to learn how to take myself out of my writing because I'd get a lower grade if I didn't. Any sign of creativity or personality was immediately shot down. So I learned how to do that because, let's face it, grades are very important. Now I don't know how to fix that.

My other problem is that I come from a family where my feelings were never that important. If they didn't match my dad's feelings they were just dismissed. My mom is completely brainwashed into believing that a women's feelings don't exist, that they are all just hormones. So I have spent most of my life supressing my feelings because it was less painful than having them dismissed. I am tired of living that way, but how do you teach yourself to express something you've been told isn't important?

So now I'm fighting two huge things that have been part of me for years. So I think I have a solution, at least for the first part. I decided to delve into poetry. There are so many different kinds of poetry so I am going to try writing my own different kinds of poem. Poetry is the anti-essay to me. Sure most of them are structured but they are meant to be expressive and come from the soul. The other thing I want to do is writing exercises. I'm on the hunt for some that aren't aimed at elementary school students. I need more than "Write about your summer vacation." If you know any websites that have good writing prompts or exercises, please let me know.