Please Explain Something To Me

Why is it that a person will work their tail off for their job, to get a promotion, or to achieve any of  their goals, but they won't put any work into a relationship? Why is a promotion worth effort but a person who could love you isn't? Where is that promotion going to be if your company goes under? If you are an athlete and hurt your knee, then there goes that career. Why is that still worth more than a life-long partner? Who decided that relationships are supposed to be easy? What happened to anything worth having taking work? At the end of the day, isn't a person who could share your life with you worth even more effort than all those other things? Sure, some relationships are shallow and fleeting. Those aren't worth effort. But when someone shows that they want to be by your side for the long haul and they enrich your life, then they should be precious to you and worth all the effort in the world.

Quote: Robert Frost

“Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.”

-Robert Frost

I've always believed in not speaking unless I actually have something to say and know what I'm talking about. It really grates on my nerves to have to sit and listen to someone who keeps talking and either has nothing of any kind of value to say or has no idea what they are talking about.

“And after all it won’t take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don’t want
I learned that with you”

— Let it die, Feist

“The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn’t the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart”

— Let it die, Feist

Since I decided to delete all my "Pics I'm Inspired By" and "Writings I Like" posts because of the whole copyright thing, I've been trying to figure out good alternatives so I can continue to share what inspires me. That's an important part of anyone's life. So I guess my best option is to just share links to other writings and photos. Sharing a link isn't illegal. I will just have to hope that I don't support and direct attention to any money grubbing "artists". Plus, this way I can also explain why I feel for each piece without feeling like I'm distracting from the piece itself. That is, if I have the words. So, without further ado. Here's a link to a poem.

Aware by Denise Levertov

This poem makes me think of walking into a secret garden or that moment when you are hiking or walking through a park and you come across an area that is off the path such as a hidden pond. When you step into this place, it feels like everything stopped because of your presence and you wish you could see it the way it is when you aren't disturbing it.

The Sunday Whirl- Wordle 71

I'm sitting here with a pencil in my hand
Staring at the empty paper in front of me
I can think of nothing to write about
There isn't the slightest trace of inspiration
Yet I feel chained to this chair and this desk
I can almost feel each link digging into my skin
Obviously there is something I want to say
Outside dusk is approaching, the sky a dusty rose
Finally my hand is moving, without my really thinking
As if its being guided by some other operator
Somewhere deep inside, I must have the essentials
The golden recipe that will give me success
I just have to climb the fence that guards it

Inspired by The Sunday Whirl- Wordle 71. Any ideas how I could've used the word forgiven?


This work by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/2012/08/26/wordle-71/.

Quote: Anais Nin

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”

 -Anais Nin

Quote: Zooey Deschanel

I just joined Writerscafe.org. If you are a member too, then come find me at http://www.writerscafe.org/porcelainlotus. I'd love to have some Writerscafe friends!

Heart Of A Mermaid

Walking along the beach
The sand rubbing against my toes
Staring out at the sea
Listening to the waves crash
Their crests glistening in the moonlight
Oh, how I long to become part of it
To become one with the sea

Caressing the beaches
Playing among the rocks
Dancing with the fish
Taunting the sharks
Beckoning ships off the shore
Calling sailors to my adventure
From which only the strongest survive

I dream of being a part of the sea
Beautiful and full of wonder
Curious and mischievous
I yearn to explore the ocean's depths
To feel its waves soothing my soul
To follow the path of a mermaid
Embracing the heart within me


Heart of a Mermaid by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

The Sunday Whirl- Wordle 70

He's turned out to be an insidious man
I can feel his cunning all through my limbs
Coursing through my veins in waves of chills
His words in my ear sound tinny and cold
As if spoken by a man with no soul
And yet I found myself confused and split
He used to be so sweet and gentle
Those cherished memories flow so vivid through my thoughts
When he's near my mind drifts between the past and present
Thinking about all that preluded where we are now
Why couldn't I see his plan and how did I miss his darkness?
I suppose my eyes were tinted with that lovely rosy shade
Hopefully I awoke at the nick of time
Perhaps there is time to fix all the damage done

I'm not exactly sure where this came from or who its about but it was inspired by The Sunday Whirl- Wordle 70. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to use the word tip.


This work by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/2012/08/19/wordle-70-a-bakers-dozen/.

Looking For Sex And Relationship Blogs

I really hate to talk about this but maybe its time. What's the point of having an anonymous blog if I can't get everything off my chest? I have been abused in many ways over the years and been in more than one abusive relationship. Mostly its been emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is so incredibly damaging, worse that physical or sexual abuse. It took me quite awhile but I feel like I've been able to regain quite a lot of what was taken from me. I still have quite a long way to go but I'm getting there. I'm regaining my sense of self and my self worth. I've learned how to trust my instincts again. I've also learned how to identify red flags in people and how to get them out of my life before they harm me. All in all, I'd say quite a bit of progress!

I didn't start making progress until I was able to say out loud what was done to me. Living in denial never works. You have to face your demons. I've been able to address the emotional, mental, verbal, and spiritual abuse. I can talk to some people about it. However, I've only been able to partially talk about the sexual abuse. Now don't worry, I'm not going to go into details on this blog. You don't need to talk to everyone about such things. So now I'm ready to address it all. Somehow, I have to get all the pieces of me back together, including my sexuality. I was looking for blogs about sex and relationships. I thought maybe hearing from people in healthy relationships would help me see sex differently. Help me see it as the beautiful expression of intimacy that it should be. Or that I want it to be. However, I mostly found blogs written by therapists. So far I can only find two that are written by regular people. One hardly ever blogs anymore and one is written by a man who sometimes comes off like he's still in high school. Neither is helpful. All the other blogs I've found are about BDSM and TTWD relationships. Not helpful either, although I do wonder what they would say about my situation and how many of them were in my position at one point. Don't "vanilla" people need to talk about their relationships too?

I'll keep looking though. I'm completely convinced that an example of a typical but healthy relationship will help me a lot. Don't worry, there are other things I'm doing to overcome all of this. I just don't feel the need to write about it here. So, anyone know of any great sex and relationships blogs?

Quote: David Deida

"Men are terrified of a woman’s depth of love and the energy that moves as a woman’s sexuality and emotions. And, at the same time, men want nothing more in this life than to merge completely with a woman’s devotional love and wild energy. Only as a man outgrows his fear can he handle a woman’s tremendous love-energy without running. And only such a man is worthy of your devotional offering in a committed intimacy."

-David Deida

Quote: Cherokee Proverb

A woman’s highest calling is to lead a man to his soul, so as to unite him with Source; her lowest calling is to seduce, separating man from soul and leave him aimlessly wandering. A man’s highest calling is to protect woman, so she is free to walk the earth unharmed. Man’s lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into the life of a woman.

-Cherokee Proverb

Three Word Wednesday- CCLXXXIV

Standing, frozen in my tracks
Watching my world crumble around me
Everything I thought
Everything I believed
Everything I built myself up to be
Is disappearing before my eyes
I feel the pain of loss
The mourning for who I once was
But strangely, I do not feel uneasy
I feel a twinge of excitement
Anticipation for what is yet to come
All I can do now is sit and wait
Wait while my mind sorts it out
Wait until my soul settles
Then I will feel that familiar warmth
Of my heart being pulled
In the direction of my desires
Then my feet will move
To where my heart is drawn

This was inspired by this weeks prompt at Three Word Wednesday. The words were crumble, drawn, and uneasy.


This work by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://www.threewordwednesday.com/2012/08/3ww-cclxxxiv.html.

Quote: Roald Dahl

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”

-Roald Dahl

Greed Disgusts Me

Roni Loren- Bloggers Beware: You Can Get Sued For Using Pics On Your Blog

The photographer who did this is an asshole! As a person who desires to be a writer and photographer I completely understand having a problem with people using your work without permission. I understand the loss of income and how it affects you. I also understand that there are laws. But as a person with common sense, I understand the risks you take when you post your work online. It will be stolen. Plain and simple. You have to be smart about what you put online. We've been taught that since we were children.

When you find work of yours that was used without permission, it is perfectly acceptable to ask that it be taken down. It is perfectly acceptable to ask that they give you proper credit if you would prefer that. If the blog does make money it is perfectly acceptable to ask for compensation then, keeping in mind how little money most blogs make and how little your work had to do with it. If they refuse to do so, then it is perfectly acceptable to use more drastic measures. Demanding that the work be removed and demanding monetary compensation when you know good and well that the blogger didn't realize what they were doing and they didn't make any money off of your work, is disgusting! You are no longer an artist. You are basically just a corporate money grubbing asshole. You disrespected your art, yourself, and every other artist out there. Have some human decency and understanding! It's not difficult.

Now don't get me wrong. I believe that the rights of artists should be respected and the law should be too. I believe the income of people should be protected. People have families to feed, clothe, and shelter. I know I would be aggravated if my work was stolen and my income was threatened. However, I hope to never be the kind of person that goes out of my way to deliberately hurt someone the way this photographer went out of his or her way to hurt this blogger. I'm betting that this photographer suing this blogger put her in a far worse predicament than her posting a single picture put the photographer in. Taking advantage of someones' lack of legal knowledge is not okay.

Out of respect for artists and the law, I'm going to take down all of my "Pics I'm Inspired By" and "Writings I Like" posts. Well, honestly, it's only partly out of respect. The other part is my refusal to risk supporting a photographer or any other artist such as this one.

If someone steals your work without intent or malice, just have them take it down and leave it at that. Be a human and a true artist first.

I want to start posting my own photography since I talk about it so much. I've been trying to figure out a good way to mark the photos as mine. I haven't found something I like yet but I'm going to go ahead and start posting them while I play with other options. If anyone knows a good free program I could use or has some advice please let me know. I'd really appreciate it!

This work by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

The Pipa

The pipa is another instrument I want to learn to play. The music it creates is so beautiful and the instrument is actually beautiful to look at.

Changing and Growing

It's time to change this blog. I named this blog The Musings of the Dragonfly simply because it's my thoughts and because of what dragonflies symbolize to me. I wrote a poem about that here. The more I grow and discover the less I feel that way. Dragonflies still represent peace and harmony to me but they don't represent me and what I want.

I think the lotus flower represents me and what I want. I was looking for something that represented overcoming adversity. I wanted a flower because the cycle of a flower represents what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to grow, bloom, spread love and happiness to those around me (pollinate). I also wanted something that represented strength, grace, femininity, and beauty. All qualities I hope to have.

Lotus flowers are flowers. They grow, bloom and pollinate. That part is self explanatory. What's special to me about the lotus flower is that they grow out of mud and they are untainted by the mud. Mud, of course, represents adversity. Mud is usually gross and smelly. Plus, when was the last time you saw something beautiful come from mud. I want to grow out of the mud I've been in for so long, into something beautiful and untainted by it.

Because of the lotus flowers shape and beauty, they are often use it as an allegory for women in Chinese poetry. I as a woman, want to have grace and femininity. Things I believe I've always struggled with showing for fear of it being interpreted as weakness. Lotus flowers also represent strength because of their stems. Their stems are easy to bend but are very difficult to break. I see that as strength and adaptability.

If a lotus flower can be all these things, then maybe I can too. I hope that by embracing this and describing myself this way, I'll start to believe it and embody it. I'm also adding porcelain to it because I need to be aware of how fragile I truly am.

So this is why I am changing the title of this blog to The Blooming of the Porcelain Lotus Flower.