Monday, November 19, 2012

Is It Worth It?

I'm starting to wonder if all this self reflection is really a good idea or if its just opening old wounds. The more I delve into the things that have happened to me in the past and the things that continue to happen, the more livid I become. I don't know where to direct this anger. I'm never going to get an apology from the people who hurt me. Most of them are not in my life anymore and the ones that are have told me to my face that they are not going to change the way they treat me.

I'm not seeing any good coming from this anymore. Is realizing how bad things are and having no real way to make them better, really a good thing? I mean, where has it gotten me? Nowhere! I get it, feeling empty and emotionless isn't good. But it feels better than the way I feel now.

I really feel like, there is no one who really cares what happens to me. I'm down to no friends because I can't count on them anymore. The last two people I considered friends have really hurt me. One of them moved out of the state without telling me she was moving or even saying goodbye and I know for a fact that she told other people. The other one lives out of the state and came for a visit and didn't call me that whole time she was here. I feel like this shows my worth to them as their friend. In the past I would've shrugged it off but now I'm really hurt by it. So, is this really better? I'm really not convinced.

So, what do I do now? Is continuing down this path really worth it or is it time to stop and put some new walls?

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I would love to know what you think. Constructive criticism is more than welcome.