Tuesday, March 17, 2015

#DearMe Continued

Dear 22 Year-Old Me,
You just got out of your third abusive relationship and this one ended in rape. It's going to take you years to realize that it was rape. You've been taught that rape is being attacked by a stranger in a dark alley. Rape is anytime you do not give consent and you can't give consent when you are passed out. Acknowledge what happened so that you can begin healing. Know that this does not change who are and you are not damaged goods. You also have to look at yourself and figure out why you have had so many abusive relationships. You have been taught that you do not deserve to be treated with respect and that everything you think and feel is wrong. The only time you feel valuable is when you are in a relationship so you take whatever you can get. You are valuable and you deserve someone who treats you that way. Stop dating. Do not get into another relationship until you are fine standing on your own. Start writing again and write honestly. Take the time to heal and figure out what you want out of life.

Dear 25 Year-Old Me,
You have been unemployed for 3 years and your car just broke down. You have no way to get around so you are going to have an even harder time finding a job and spending time with your friends. You are going to be unemployed for 2 more years and every person you considered a friend is going to abandon you now that they have to put the slightest bit of effort into the "friendship". Now is the time to realize that they were never your friends. This isn't the first time they weren't there for you but you can make it the last. You have been basing your friendships on history, on knowing people for years, instead of actual friendship. This is part of you not feeling valuable and just taking what you can get. Keep healing and keep doing the work you have been doing on yourself. You still need to learn how to love yourself and no one can love you until you love yourself.

Dear 28 Year-Old Me,
You have been laid off and are trying to figure out what to do next. You had diverted from your path to journal therapy with your accounting job and are worried about doing that again. You need to accept that you need some money coming in so that you can pay your bills and advance. You need to finish your degree and take the journaling classes you've been looking at. You are going to have to buckle down and do the work. You have not yet broken your habit of shutting down when things aren't working out. Now is the time. You also have a whole list of bad habits you want to break and good habits you want to cultivate. None of it will happen if you shut down again. Stop dragging your feet and focus on applying for jobs. You haven't found anything in this area yet that is related to journal therapy so you are going to have to take something else for the time being. Whatever job you take may not be ideal but it will be your next stepping stone.

This was an interesting experience for me. I'm glad I decided to try this out.

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