Thursday, April 2, 2015

Warning! - Talking About Sexuality

I've been on a quest to try and develop more discipline in my life. It's been pretty slow going. Trying to break 20 year old habits and create new ones is not a simple task. It's basically a full brain rewiring.

I had made a vision board to help me narrow down what my goals are and to focus. I found myself going in circles though.

An online course came along that I had wanted to take last year but couldn't afford to. It is called Vaginal Kung Fu by Kim Anami. I came across this class and was very intrigued by the idea of a better way to strengthen your pelvic floor. I've done kegels ever since I heard about them but with no real results. This class was going to teach me a better way to do them, with a yoni egg. In the end, the class taught me so much more.

As soon as I received my egg, I tried to use it. I was completely shocked by how numb my vagina was. As the class progressed, I realized that it was actually my whole body that was numb. My coping mechanism growing up was to leave the physical world and retreat into my imagination and it continued into my adulthood. Now, I've spent so much time disconnecting from reality that I'm actually disconnected from my body. I need to get out of my head and back into my body.

This realization has finally brought some clarity to me. I've been stuck for quite some time and couldn't figure out why. Now I think it's because I keep trying to move forward while leaving parts of myself behind, specifically my sexuality. Between growing up in a conservative home, living in a society that objectifies women and experiencing abuse, I never had a chance at embracing that part of myself. Now that has to change. I'm hoping that I am correct and that getting my sexual energy flowing is the missing piece.

While I have no clear idea of how to get back into my body, I am trying some things. I'm working on a morning stretch and exercise routine that will hopefully help get my body moving and wake it up. I'm going to add sensual movement to the routine. I also made a waist chain and some waist beads. I'm attempting to kill two birds with one stone with this one. I've never been a fan of my torso and I hate my hips. I figured that if I adorn them with something beautiful then I might begin to see them differently. I also want them to help me become more aware of my core. I have noticed that the women who seem to be the most comfortable with themselves move from their core. They let their womb area guide them. I could be looking too much into that but women who fully embrace themselves definitely move from their core.

Since I'm working on embracing my body, I'll go ahead and show a picture of my waist wearing my waist chain and waist beads.

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