My Planner Again

I've finally decided on the M by Staples Arc System for my planner. I can't afford it right now though. Since I plan on using my own designs, I need the special hole punch. Between the notebook, punch, and any other accessories I decide on, it ends up being a little bit more than I budgeted for. Since I believe that this will be worth it in the long run, I'm going to hold off until I have enough money to get what I want. I fully believe it will end up paying for itself. Not to mention the way it could improve my life.

Quote: Elizabeth Lesser

"When we descend all the way down to the bottom of a loss, and dwell patiently, with an open heart, in the darkness and pain, we can bring back up with us the sweetness of life and the exhilaration of inner growth. When there is nothing left to lose, we find the true self--the self that is whole, the self that is enough, the self that no longer looks to others for definition, or completion, or anything but companionship on the journey."

-Elizabeth Lesser


This is what I've been noticing about myself. If you read this blog then you know that I've been going through quite a long period of confusion, self-doubt, and lack of direction. People expected me to come out of it quickly and don't understand what my problem is. In the past, I would've pushed bad feelings aside, buried them and moved on. I've realized that I wasn't really moving on. I was just storing this stuff and that I have no more room to store anything. This made it impossible to move forward. I have had to spend quite some time digging up and dealing with years bad feelings resulting from abuse and neglect.

I am in no way done with this process but I have seen something in myself that I haven't seen since I was a child. My true self, just like the quote says. The self that had to be hidden and protected because it was too fragile to deal with what my life had turned into. I had pretty much forgotten about her but now reclaiming me is what is most important.

Quote: Mark Twain

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

- Mark Twain

Quote: Howard Zinn

"To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness… And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future…to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory."

-Howard Zinn

A Single Woman's Rant

Note To Self: If I ever get married, remember this. Don't get caught up in how society and media says marriages should be.

Domestic Violence Awareness

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. A few years ago I posted a poem I had written about an abusive relationship I had been in as a teenager. You can find that poem here. As I got older and learn more and more about abuse, I realized that I have actually been in more than one abusive relationship. I've become acutely aware how little information people have about how to identify abuse and what exactly is considered abuse. Many people are mentally, verbally, emotionally, sexually, and even spiritually abused and either don't know it or are afraid to say so because it might not be taken seriously. Some people believe it is only abuse if it

is physical or if it full blown rape.

I wanted to post some links that have very helpful information.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/- This site has a lot of personal stories as well as good information.

Because of my past and because this month is Domestic Violence Awareness month, I ordered the Empowerment Circle of Support necklace from Avon.

Here's some links to more information about the necklace and the program.
http://www.avoncompany.com/corporatecitizenship/circle-of-support-necklace.html
http://www.avonfoundation.org/causes/domestic-violence/
http://media.avoncompany.com/index.php?s=10922&item=122975

Do something to support survivors of domestic violence and programs making attempts to end it. Also educate yourself and your loved ones. When I was being abused no one around me understood or took what I was going through seriously. It was a very lonely place to be and the lack of support made it even harder to get out. 1 in 3 women experiences violence so for your own sake and for the sake of the people you care about, educate yourself. Everyone is a potential victim.

Quote: Betty White

"Why do people say ‘grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding."

-Betty White


Haha, this is great! I love Betty White!

Quote: Paulo Coelho

"When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."

-Paulo Coelho

Don't Feel Like Writing

I have no desire to write. I don't even want to write this post. I haven't done a Sunday Whirl or a Three Word Wednesday in quite some time. I haven't even written any other poem either. And I don't even want to. Weird! Usually when I haven't written I start to get restless and annoyed with myself. This time, I'm not the slightest bit worried. I wouldn't even have thought to post about it if it wasn't so weird.

Perhaps designing my own planner has been enough of a creative outlet to satisfy me. Actually it might be even better. Designing it made me feel like I accomplished something. When I finally find the materials to put it together and get it assembled, I'll feel even more accomplished. Writing doesn't give me that feeling. Writing just destresses me, or helps me sort out something going on in my head. Necessary but not an achievement. Maybe creating things that I think will improve my life is what I really need right now. I guess I need to start thinking of something else to make for when this planner thing is finished.

Planner Update- No Progress

So, I'm getting nowhere with this planner thing. I finished designing it. Well, I've designed the basic part. I have a feeling I'll be adding to it in the future as my life changes. But now I'm stuck. I've been looking for something to hold it in that I like. I figured the best thing would be to find a nice planner and to just replace the contents. I can't believe how hard it is to find a planner that isn't spiral bound! Maybe its just because I'm not shopping at the right time of year. I went shopping a couple of weeks after the school year started so maybe stores just don't bother stocking up on school supplies after the school year starts. I might have to wait until after the new year to find one. Since most planners start in January, maybe stores will stock up again around that time.

I don't like the idea of waiting that long. I believe that this planner will be good for me and it makes no sense to wait to improve my life but I don't know what else to do. Something I know about myself is that aesthetics are really important to me. If I don't like how the planner looks then I won't use it. I considered just buying a binder and decorating it but I know I would end up hating it and not using it. So I've got to be smart and make sure to only buy something that I really like.

In the meantime, I'll keep trying to figure out how to organize my stuff. More purging in my future. I can't believe how much crap I have.

Why Men Should Join Slutwalk
I wish this was something that everyone was taught.