NaBloPoMo July 29

Monday, July 29, 2013
Can you connect easily with your feelings and understand where they come from?

Yes. Over the last few years, I've grown a lot and have learned so much about myself. Up until a few years ago, I would deny my feelings and bottle them up. Since I've been exploring them I understand them and where they come from so much better than I ever thought I could.

I have a long way to go though. Its one thing to be able to connect with your feelings. Its a whole other thing to know what to do with those feelings. I still haven't figured out how to properly address some feelings and the situations that create them. For example, when someone does something that hurts you but doesn't have enough respect for you to acknowledge your feelings and their part in them. So then, not only are you hurt but you're also angry at being dismissed and devalued. What do you do then? I haven't figured out these things yet.
 

Quote: Lindy West, "Female 'Purity" Is Bullshit"

"The sexualization of women is only appealing if it’s nonconsensual. Otherwise it’s “sluttiness,”…. ” 

-Lindy West, “Female ‘Purity’ Is Bullshit”

This is very true. A woman's sexuality is only accepted if it is being expressed as an accessory or a trophy of a man. In other words, a woman's sexuality is only acceptable in this society if it is not in her control. That's so messed up. I've been trying to learn how to explore and take control of my own sexuality. Even though I haven't figured it out yet, I can see how beneficial it is and how detrimental the things I had been taught were. So many women are so damaged by having such an integral part of themselves taken away and turned into something dirty.

My New Tumblr

I decided to start a Tumblr. This blog is my way of exploring myself and figuring out what I want. I want to keep it that way but I also wanted to do something that was a little more fun but still related to this blog somehow. This is where tumblr comes in. I don't exactly have a direction that I want to take it yet, so I'll be exploring it. It might end up just being a place I post pretty things I find around the internet, we'll see. So, if you want to check it out and see how it evolves, here's the link.
The Blooming of the Porcelain Lotus Flower

I plan on changing the title. I want it to be a companion to this blog but I don't like that it has the exact same title, because its not the same. Maybe once I have a direction for it then I'll have a better title for it too.

NaBloPoMo July 26

Friday, July 26, 2013
Mike White admits: "I guess I'm trying to write stuff that I, as a viewer, would connect to." Do you think you do this on your blog?

I don't focus on writing things that other people can connect to. As much as I would like more readers, that's not the real reason that I blog. I blog as an outlet. I have had so much bottled up for so many years, I desperately need a release. Writing is the best release that I've ever found.

I do want to connect with people through this blog though. I could do this in a private notebook but I don't. Obviously, I must want others to read it. I do sometimes wonder how I can get more people to read this blog. However, right now, I just can't make that a priority. I have to focus on sorting myself out first. Unless, someone wants to watch me struggle, I don't have much to offer people right now. I'm sure I'll be writing and blogging for years, so maybe in the future, I can focus more on connecting with others and writing for them as well as myself.
 

Quote: Frank Sinatra

"I may sound old-fashioned, but I want to think all women should be treated like I want my wife, daughters, and granddaughters to be treated. I notice today that good manners—like standing up when a woman enters the room, helping a woman with her coat, letting her enter an elevator first, taking her arm to cross the street—are sometimes considered unnecessary or a throwback...no woman is offended by politeness." 

-Frank Sinatra

I don't really need anyone to stand when I enter a room or help me with my coat but I do appreciate politeness very much. Many of these actions that are considered old-fashioned or even offensive by some, I've grown to see as a way some men show respect and consideration. Sometimes it just depends on what a person's reasons for doing something are.

NaBloPoMo July 22

Monday, July 22, 2013
Steve Jobs said: "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future." Discuss.

I really really hope the dots do end up connecting. I hope that one day I can look back and say, "Oh, that's why this happened." I hope that all the bad things that happened, end up having a purpose. I hope that I can use them to make me a stronger, better person.

So far, I don't really see that. I was much stronger before and I am certainly not in a better place. All I really see is all the damage done. I still don't see the silver lining. I try and tell myself I wouldn't have started journalling without it all, and journalling is leading me to greater things. But, sometimes I think I'd be happy to give that up if I could have had a life that didn't involve being abused. I hope that one day I can say that I see why it happened and that it was all worth it.
 

Quote: Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”

-Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil

Haiku Heights Prompt- Time

The rosebud opens
Petals display their beauty
Then return to earth
~
~
Tick tock, tick and tock
Twelve chimes ring through the night
Signaling a new day
~
~
Yesterdays fall away
Tomorrows grow shorter
Life keeps moving on


Haiku Heights Prompt- Time by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://haiku-heights.blogspot.com/2013/07/haiku-heights-266-time.html.

Cemetery

Writerly Life: Photo of the Week
http://www.writerlylife.com/2013/07/photo-of-the-week-317/

The fog chills my skin
Scents of damp earth fill my nose
As I enter graveyard gates

Walk past the gravestones
Surrounded by souls gone by
Filled with memories of others


Cemetery by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://www.writerlylife.com/2013/07/photo-of-the-week-317/.

Six Word Saturday

not yet ready, i'm freaking out

I'm moving to Atlanta in less than a month and I am no where near ready. I've gotten rid of a bunch of stuff that I don't need but I still have so much more to sort through. I haven't figured out the best way to ship the stuff I am going to take. I am also worried about how I'm going to function once I get there. I need a job, a car, car insurance, furniture, and the list goes on and on. And what about meeting people? I guess I should focus on the move. I'll have plenty of time to worry about that other stuff once I get there.

Malala Yousafzai's Speech to the UN General Assembly

Just in case anyone hasn't read it, I thought I'd post a link to Malala Yousafzai's speech to the UN General Assembly. Its a powerful speech given by a young passionate girl who is living in a situation that should never have existed. I hope that one day through people like Malala speaking out and fighting against oppression, women and children will receive the rights that we all deserve. Even though I'm not a Muslim, I do hope that one day Islam can be seen as the peaceful religion that it is supposed to be rather than the violent, sexist travesty that terrorists have turned it into.
Malala Yousafzai's Speech to the UN General Assembly

Quote: Unknown

“Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.” 

-Unknown

This is very true. I've been in a hole in the middle of nowhere for a long time. Slowly I've been finding myself because of it, or in spite of it, I'm not sure. Either way, I'm better than I used to be and will hopefully continue to get better.

Quote: Alice Munro

The conversation of kisses. Subtle, engrossing, fearless, transforming. 

-Alice Munro

A conversation of kisses. I need one of those.

NaBloPoMo July 11

Thursday, July 11, 2013
If you were trapped in an elevator, which three bloggers would you most want with you in that situation?

Shannon of The Simply Luxurious Life- I've talked about this blog a little bit here. She and I have a similar philosophy about creating a life for yourself. Hers is quite a bit more developed than mine. I would love to pick her brain and find out how she got to the point she is at. I would especially like to know how she got started. I've been at a place where I am re-evaluating what I've been taught my whole life and figuring out what I want. I have been having trouble getting my footing and I would be interested in learning how she did.

SEXKITTEN of SEXKITTEN- I have been reading this blog off and on for quite awhile, a couple of years I think. She writes very candidly about sex, her struggles, and her thoughts on life. I envy her confidence, especially with her sexuality. Between growing up in a home where sex was taboo and going through abusive relationships, I have a very complicated relationship with sex and my sexuality. I also see that she has learned some lessons similar to my own as well as some I need to learn but haven't been able to figure out yet. Speaking to a woman who seems to have learned how to own her past and her sex would probably be very beneficial to me and possibly my healing.

Grace of everyday amazing- This woman writes some of the most beautiful poetry I've read. I have to admit that I get a bit discouraged when I read her work because it reminds me that I have a long way to go with my poetry. However, I prefer not to dwell on that and focus on the inspiration her poetry could be to me. I think it would be interesting to learn about her journey as a poet and her process when she writes.

I guess I need mentors in my life. That's probably what I'm looking for when I think about meeting new people. People who have gone before me and have qualities that I aspire for, would be great inspiration for me. They could also teach me a lot I'm sure.

Of course, since they are all bloggers, I could try to contact them. I'm way too shy though and wouldn't know what to say.
 

Quotes: Bob Marley

NaBloPoMo July 09

Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Tell us about the first entry on your blog

You can find the first entry on this blog here. It's simply me stating why I started this blog and giving a tiny bit of history. I was trying to reacquaint myself with my writing and my creative self. I wanted to share my writing, but I was scared of the criticism. My creative self was fragile and needed to be treated with care but I wanted to grow. I needed constructive criticism to do that. I thought having an anonymous blog would be a good way to do that. At least if I got harsh criticism or outright hateful comments, they wouldn't know who I was. It has been kind of a shield. Fortunately, hateful comments are pretty rare on unknown blogs like mine.

My blog means so much more to me now than I ever thought it would. I found out how important journalling is to my well being. I really need the outlet that this blog allows me. It has been so great to journal and share my writing in the same place. I would bet that if anyone read my journalling, they would understand my poems even better because they get to see where the poems come from.
 

Quote: Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

-Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

Six Word Saturday

getting closer and closer to moving

I am moving to Atlanta soon. Not all of the details are ironed out yet but I'm getting closer. I'm excited and nervous. This is my chance to get away from some things and to basically start over.

Quote: Frida Kahlo

“Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic.” 

 - Frida Kahlo

I love Frida Kahlo. She changed my life.

Haiku Heights Prompt- Fingerprints

He left fingerprints
forever burned on my skin
I am branded


Haiku Heights Prompt- Fingerprints by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://haiku-heights.blogspot.com/2013/07/haiku-heights-261-fingerprint.html.