So, looking back on this past month I am glad I decided to participate in NaBloPoMo. The theme of risk was something I knew I needed to explore. I feel like I have been at a bit of a stand-still for quite some time and I need to start moving. I'm not content with just introspection anymore. Seeing differences in myself is great but I need to see differences in my life now. I want something more obvious to show for it, something that can be seen from the outside. I know its going to require me to take a risk, or maybe a few to start moving in a direction that will be beneficial to me. Plus there's something incredible about having writing prompts. It made me examine some things that I probably wouldn't have thought about on my own.
Like I mentioned in yesterday's post, when I started this I was pretty sure that I wouldn't complete it. I am afraid of putting pressure on myself because I tend to rebel against pressure. Something I've realized is that I don't rebel when I'm the one putting the pressure on myself, I rebel when it is someone else doing it. So I need to have more faith in myself that I will do what I say if its something I want to do. I really do thrive when I have a self-imposed project.
I won't be participating in next month's NaBloPoMo. The theme is Fresh and it is about our relationship with nature. While I feel like it is a great theme, I could use a better relationship with nature, I want to focus on expanding what I've learned this month. Its too much of a change in thought process. I hope to start making moves. I was looking over the prompts for the month and it's possible that I will use some of them but I'm not sure. I will be keeping track of future themes and the next time one speaks to me I will participate again.
If you are inspired and would like to participate, here is the link for you! NaBloPoMo April 2013- Theme: Fresh
Happy Easter everyone! I hope you have a beautiful day!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Six Word Saturday
almost finished with NaBloPoMo- so proud
When I started this month's NaBloPoMo I was pretty sure that I wouldn't complete it. I was sure there would be days I didn't post or that I would quit in the middle. I've always hated being forced to write. I guess its different when the consequence is disappointing myself rather that failing some school essay. Tomorrow is the last day and I'm pretty proud that I went through with it. I wonder, does NaBloPoMo really counts as a word? Oh well, works for me!
Friday, March 29, 2013
NaBloPoMo March 29 Prompt
NaBloPoMo Prompt #21
What new risk have you decided to take after thinking about risk all month?
This month I finally voiced (posted) my desire to teach journal therapy to people, especially children. What I'm going to do from here is learn all I can about what I need to do to make that happen. I hope that there are organizations that do this or could expand to doing this. I will probably have to take some classes, maybe even get a degree. I don't intend to become a psychiatrist or anything like that. My point is to teach people a way to explore themselves and help sort out their minds that they can do at anytime, not to diagnose their problems myself.
The risk I guess, is spending more time and more money trying to achieve a goal that might not be right for me. The other risk might be my particular views on journalling. Some people believe that writing is the only way to journal and the only way it would be effective. I believe that there are many types of journalling and many ways to explore oneself. I believe that art journalling, song journalling, having a drawing journal, and journal writing are all ways that one could use to sort themselves out. I'm sure there are others but those are the ones I know about. It all depends on the person doing the journalling and how they best interact with themselves. I may have a hard time getting people I could potentially work with to take that view seriously.
What new risk have you decided to take after thinking about risk all month?
This month I finally voiced (posted) my desire to teach journal therapy to people, especially children. What I'm going to do from here is learn all I can about what I need to do to make that happen. I hope that there are organizations that do this or could expand to doing this. I will probably have to take some classes, maybe even get a degree. I don't intend to become a psychiatrist or anything like that. My point is to teach people a way to explore themselves and help sort out their minds that they can do at anytime, not to diagnose their problems myself.
The risk I guess, is spending more time and more money trying to achieve a goal that might not be right for me. The other risk might be my particular views on journalling. Some people believe that writing is the only way to journal and the only way it would be effective. I believe that there are many types of journalling and many ways to explore oneself. I believe that art journalling, song journalling, having a drawing journal, and journal writing are all ways that one could use to sort themselves out. I'm sure there are others but those are the ones I know about. It all depends on the person doing the journalling and how they best interact with themselves. I may have a hard time getting people I could potentially work with to take that view seriously.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
NaBloPoMo March 28 Prompt
NaBloPoMo Prompt #20
Rambam said, "The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision." Would you rather be in a state of indecision or accepting the consequences of a wrong decision?
I would much rather be accepting the consequences of a wrong decision than be in a state of indecision. When I went to college I was a business major. That was a mistake. I should've been in something more creative. However, even though it was the wrong decision I was working towards something. I had goals, some of which I achieved, and I learned a lot about myself through the experience. I don't regret it but I did have to face the consequences. Not only had I wasted a whole bunch of money and was in debt with nothing tangible to show for it, I also had no idea what direction to go in next. Terror is definitely the proper word for that situation. I was in a state of indecision for quite a few years. I had no idea what I wanted. That's one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place. I was hoping that writing would expose what I really wanted.
Well, it worked. Now that I've decided that I want to teach journal therapy and that I want to write, I have a direction again. Even if it doesn't work and ends up being another wrong decision I won't regret this decision either. I will learn more about myself no matter what happens. If it ends up being the right decision then it'll be great!
Rambam said, "The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision." Would you rather be in a state of indecision or accepting the consequences of a wrong decision?
I would much rather be accepting the consequences of a wrong decision than be in a state of indecision. When I went to college I was a business major. That was a mistake. I should've been in something more creative. However, even though it was the wrong decision I was working towards something. I had goals, some of which I achieved, and I learned a lot about myself through the experience. I don't regret it but I did have to face the consequences. Not only had I wasted a whole bunch of money and was in debt with nothing tangible to show for it, I also had no idea what direction to go in next. Terror is definitely the proper word for that situation. I was in a state of indecision for quite a few years. I had no idea what I wanted. That's one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place. I was hoping that writing would expose what I really wanted.
Well, it worked. Now that I've decided that I want to teach journal therapy and that I want to write, I have a direction again. Even if it doesn't work and ends up being another wrong decision I won't regret this decision either. I will learn more about myself no matter what happens. If it ends up being the right decision then it'll be great!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
NaBloPoMo March 27 Prompt
NaBloPoMo Prompt #19
Theodore Roosevelt said, "No man is worth his salt who is not ready at all times to risk his well-being, to risk his body, to risk his life, in a great cause." What great cause would be worth any risk for you?
I am very big on human rights and I'm very anti-human trafficking. If I had resources I'd be willing to take great risks to help victims. I've posted about my desire to teach journal therapy here and in my dreams section. I always picture myself teaching it to former victims to give them another option for dealing with what they have been through and the possible things they will go through in the future. Journal therapy is powerful and can be taken with you. Not everyone can afford traditional therapy all the time. I also put in my dreams section how I wanted to travel and teach women how to become financially independent so they can no longer be exploited. Both situations have the potential to be risky both physically and emotionally.
Theodore Roosevelt said, "No man is worth his salt who is not ready at all times to risk his well-being, to risk his body, to risk his life, in a great cause." What great cause would be worth any risk for you?
I am very big on human rights and I'm very anti-human trafficking. If I had resources I'd be willing to take great risks to help victims. I've posted about my desire to teach journal therapy here and in my dreams section. I always picture myself teaching it to former victims to give them another option for dealing with what they have been through and the possible things they will go through in the future. Journal therapy is powerful and can be taken with you. Not everyone can afford traditional therapy all the time. I also put in my dreams section how I wanted to travel and teach women how to become financially independent so they can no longer be exploited. Both situations have the potential to be risky both physically and emotionally.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
NaBloPoMo March 26 Prompt
NaBloPoMo Prompt #18
Discuss this famous Anais Nin quote: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
Obviously this quote means a lot to me since I keep it right over there ----->. I came across this quote last year and it really resonated with me. I even posted it here. It basically describes exactly what I've been going through. I've spent quite a bit of my life closed up because it was the only way to stay safe and to protect my heart. It lead me in a direction that seemed the safest but slowly I began to realize that I hated everything that my life was becoming and I didn't understand why. I started writing and blogging as a way to sort it all out. I realized it was because I wasn't living up to my potential and I wasn't feeding my heart. I wasn't protecting myself anymore. I was hurting myself. So, it was time to blossom, to open up my heart and mind to finally explore them.
I'm still working on it. I have about 15 years of hurt to go through, maybe more and a whole lifetime of things I need to unlearn in order to find what I really need in life. So, I am indeed going to blossom but I'll be one of those flowers that takes years to do so.
Discuss this famous Anais Nin quote: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
Obviously this quote means a lot to me since I keep it right over there ----->. I came across this quote last year and it really resonated with me. I even posted it here. It basically describes exactly what I've been going through. I've spent quite a bit of my life closed up because it was the only way to stay safe and to protect my heart. It lead me in a direction that seemed the safest but slowly I began to realize that I hated everything that my life was becoming and I didn't understand why. I started writing and blogging as a way to sort it all out. I realized it was because I wasn't living up to my potential and I wasn't feeding my heart. I wasn't protecting myself anymore. I was hurting myself. So, it was time to blossom, to open up my heart and mind to finally explore them.
I'm still working on it. I have about 15 years of hurt to go through, maybe more and a whole lifetime of things I need to unlearn in order to find what I really need in life. So, I am indeed going to blossom but I'll be one of those flowers that takes years to do so.
Monday, March 25, 2013
NaBloPoMo March 25 Prompt
NaBloPoMo Prompt #17
Do you like getting up to speak in front of a crowd? Will you submit this year for VOTY?
I am usually more comfortable behind the scenes. I prefer for my work to speak instead of me. However, I have no problem speaking in front of groups if I know most of the people. Giving speeches or presenting projects during school was pretty easy for me. I don't really like it but I can easily handle it. Back in second grade my school participated in some sort of speech meet. All the students had to present a speech as a "try-out" and the teacher for each class chose the best to go to the meet. I was one of the ones chosen. Who knew! Apparently, I was good at speeches! At least I was when I was 7.
I have much more trouble speaking in front of groups of people that I don't know or if there is a lot at stake. Presenting my senior project was nerve-wracking. Not only did I not know the people I was presenting to, if I did a bad job I wouldn't have graduated. I was shaking in my boots, literally. When my adrenaline is high and my nerves hit, I shake like a little chihuahua. It's hard to take someone who is shaking seriously.
I have no idea what VOTY is so I can't answer that part. If it would require me to give a speech then I probably wouldn't submit. Not at this point in my life anyways. I would like to get to a point where I can speak in front of crowds. It's not on the top of my list at this point though.
Do you like getting up to speak in front of a crowd? Will you submit this year for VOTY?
I am usually more comfortable behind the scenes. I prefer for my work to speak instead of me. However, I have no problem speaking in front of groups if I know most of the people. Giving speeches or presenting projects during school was pretty easy for me. I don't really like it but I can easily handle it. Back in second grade my school participated in some sort of speech meet. All the students had to present a speech as a "try-out" and the teacher for each class chose the best to go to the meet. I was one of the ones chosen. Who knew! Apparently, I was good at speeches! At least I was when I was 7.
I have much more trouble speaking in front of groups of people that I don't know or if there is a lot at stake. Presenting my senior project was nerve-wracking. Not only did I not know the people I was presenting to, if I did a bad job I wouldn't have graduated. I was shaking in my boots, literally. When my adrenaline is high and my nerves hit, I shake like a little chihuahua. It's hard to take someone who is shaking seriously.
I have no idea what VOTY is so I can't answer that part. If it would require me to give a speech then I probably wouldn't submit. Not at this point in my life anyways. I would like to get to a point where I can speak in front of crowds. It's not on the top of my list at this point though.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
The Sunday Whirl- Wordle 101
The sands of time continue to pass
The yesterdays are multiplying
My former self is long forgotten
Years of hurt have created a disguise
That thought is rather jarring
And has stirred me into action
And is bringing me back to life
I can no longer walk through life
As the wounded version of myself
It's time to find myself again
To recapture the beauty I used to have
In a hurry, no more standing still
It's time to get off this useless road
And finally follow the winding country road
That is my heart and mind
To follow my bliss through the deep valleys
And across the dark plains it takes me to
Until I find that place where I can plant my tree
Where I can nurture it and tend to it
One day I'll watch it blossom into something wonderful
This was inspired by The Sunday Whirl- Wordle 101. All my poems seem to have the same theme lately. I'm looking forward to the day when I can write about what's it's like to finally have figured out what direction I'm going in.
This work by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/2013/03/24/wordle-101/.
The yesterdays are multiplying
My former self is long forgotten
Years of hurt have created a disguise
That thought is rather jarring
And has stirred me into action
And is bringing me back to life
I can no longer walk through life
As the wounded version of myself
It's time to find myself again
To recapture the beauty I used to have
In a hurry, no more standing still
It's time to get off this useless road
And finally follow the winding country road
That is my heart and mind
To follow my bliss through the deep valleys
And across the dark plains it takes me to
Until I find that place where I can plant my tree
Where I can nurture it and tend to it
One day I'll watch it blossom into something wonderful
This was inspired by The Sunday Whirl- Wordle 101. All my poems seem to have the same theme lately. I'm looking forward to the day when I can write about what's it's like to finally have figured out what direction I'm going in.
This work by Porcelain Lotus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/2013/03/24/wordle-101/.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
NaBloPoMo March 23
"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say."
-Anais Nin
I hope I am able to live up to that. I really hope that my writing is able to reach people and not only express myself but allow other people to express a part of themselves that they were unable to before. I want my writing to touch people's hearts, especially my poetry. I hope that I can give other people the courage to expose the parts of themselves that they don't trust and keep hidden. We all need to be able to fully embrace ourselves, even the parts that frighten us. Maybe especially the parts that frighten us.
-Anais Nin
I hope I am able to live up to that. I really hope that my writing is able to reach people and not only express myself but allow other people to express a part of themselves that they were unable to before. I want my writing to touch people's hearts, especially my poetry. I hope that I can give other people the courage to expose the parts of themselves that they don't trust and keep hidden. We all need to be able to fully embrace ourselves, even the parts that frighten us. Maybe especially the parts that frighten us.
Friday, March 22, 2013
NaBloPoMo March 22
"Forgiveness does not mean you have to accept the person back into your life. It does not mean you are condoning their behavior or that you are in any way saying that it was “ok.” Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different so you don’t hold on to wishing that you had a different kind of family. You let that go, and you move forward with the Grace that God has given you from this day on. I don’t want the spirit of me to die because of what you did."
-Oprah, 2-8-11
I need to hear this every day. I too, don't want my spirit to die because of what was done to me and what will most likely continue to be done for as long as I keep certain people in my life. My problem is that their refusal to acknowledge what they have done makes it so difficult for me to let it go. I need people to acknowledge their mistakes and apologize for the damage they've done. When I don't get that (which is almost always, in my life I've only had one person truly apologize for something that they did) I have a huge problem letting it go. It really makes me feel less than. Since they don't believe they did anything wrong, it means they believe I deserve to be treated the way that they treated me. If it was someone I didn't know, it wouldn't really matter. Since it's always been the people who were closest to me, the ones I was supposed to be able to count on, it cuts right through me. My wounds are deep. I feel like they are still open and that when they finally do "heal", they will become disfiguring scars. I don't know how to forgive someone for doing that to me and I don't know how to not need the apology. So, I don't know how to move on from it.
-Oprah, 2-8-11
I need to hear this every day. I too, don't want my spirit to die because of what was done to me and what will most likely continue to be done for as long as I keep certain people in my life. My problem is that their refusal to acknowledge what they have done makes it so difficult for me to let it go. I need people to acknowledge their mistakes and apologize for the damage they've done. When I don't get that (which is almost always, in my life I've only had one person truly apologize for something that they did) I have a huge problem letting it go. It really makes me feel less than. Since they don't believe they did anything wrong, it means they believe I deserve to be treated the way that they treated me. If it was someone I didn't know, it wouldn't really matter. Since it's always been the people who were closest to me, the ones I was supposed to be able to count on, it cuts right through me. My wounds are deep. I feel like they are still open and that when they finally do "heal", they will become disfiguring scars. I don't know how to forgive someone for doing that to me and I don't know how to not need the apology. So, I don't know how to move on from it.
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