Friday, March 22, 2013

NaBloPoMo March 22

"Forgiveness does not mean you have to accept the person back into your life. It does not mean you are condoning their behavior or that you are in any way saying that it was “ok.” Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different so you don’t hold on to wishing that you had a different kind of family. You let that go, and you move forward with the Grace that God has given you from this day on. I don’t want the spirit of me to die because of what you did." 
 -Oprah, 2-8-11

I need to hear this every day. I too, don't want my spirit to die because of what was done to me and what will most likely continue to be done for as long as I keep certain people in my life. My problem is that their refusal to acknowledge what they have done makes it so difficult for me to let it go. I need people to acknowledge their mistakes and apologize for the damage they've done. When I don't get that (which is almost always, in my life I've only had one person truly apologize for something that they did) I have a huge problem letting it go. It really makes me feel less than. Since they don't believe they did anything wrong, it means they believe I deserve to be treated the way that they treated me. If it was someone I didn't know, it wouldn't really matter. Since it's always been the people who were closest to me, the ones I was supposed to be able to count on, it cuts right through me. My wounds are deep. I feel like they are still open and that when they finally do "heal", they will become disfiguring scars. I don't know how to forgive someone for doing that to me and I don't know how to not need the apology. So, I don't know how to move on from it.

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